I don't much care one way or the other about soccer. I know much of the world is fanatic about it to the point of violence. But this column by Ann Coulter about the 2014 World Cup is hilarious. The kicker is that I agree with her!
Following are some of the highlights from her column. The full article can be found at - http://www.anncoulter.com/columns/2014-06-25.html
Ann Coulter - June 25, 2014
AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade -- about the length of the average soccer game. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.
Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway.
There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."
Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.
Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.
No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.
After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.
You can't use your hands in soccer. What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!
The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.
One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.
Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.
Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?
Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. Ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear -- again -- about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."
The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN.
Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.
If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.
COPYRIGHT 2014 ANN COULTER
No comments:
Post a Comment