The Big C: Cancer or Comedy

I was talking to my doctor and he said they did a 360 degree scan of my head and they couldn't find a thing.

I had a PET scan yesterday and the results came back positive. I have pets. I can't even imagine what the CAT scan will reveal.

I asked my radiation oncology nurse if I would be able to serve as my own nightlight. She said no. I asked her if my food gets cold would I be able to place my hands over it to reheat it. She said no. I asked her if I got bit by a spider would I be able to swing from buildings. She said no. I asked her what fun is there then. She said I could take home my mask when I'm done with treatment. Halloween 2015 - look out!

I've decided that when my radiation treatment is complete I'm going to join the army - as a depleted uranium shell.

My doctor said when I'm done with the radiation therapy, there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to enjoy a long and happy half-life.

I think I'm the only cancer patient on Earth that GAINED weight during therapy.

For those of you who'd like to catch my show, I'll be in the oncology waiting room all month!