Need Not Apply

I have written a letter to the president-elect, offering my services as his propaganda minister. I included the following credentials:

I am a physically disabled, mentally handicapped, Jewish transsexual, in a 3-way marriage with my Roman Catholic spouse and an Ivy League educated goat. I am the adopted child of a Muslim father and an illegal Mexican mother. My great-great-great-great grandparents were runaway slaves.

My work experience includes marketing director for Planned Parenthood, the ACLU new case manager, and the congressional lobbyist for PBS.

I have not heard back yet.