Love Me

It is not my intention - okay, it is - to toot my own horn, but the Huff Post recently published an article regarding a new study about creativity.

The findings pinpoint many of the "defining characteristics in the personalities" of highly creative people.

Neuroscience has now confirmed that creative thinking goes far beyond the left brain/right brain model, and instead is a conflux of nature, nurture, and random chance.

This is very difficult for me to put down on paper, but it is essential for any understanding of who I am and how I got here.

I was born with a medical condition called hypospadias, generally described as a birth defect in which the opening of the urethra is on the underside of the penis, instead of at the tip. Repeated surgeries to correct this defect were unsuccessful, and the hospitalizations were always scheduled during the summer so I wouldn't miss school.

I underwent seven surgeries until the age of twelve when my father took me to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. I remember visiting the Mayo Museum of Medicine and Hygiene, but mostly I remember the endless series of invasive tests and, of course, the inevitable surgery. In those days, anesthesia was delivered through a large, black, rubber mask that covered half your face. Despite the reassurances of all the adults around me, I remember being very, very scared. This operation, performed by the nation's most renowned urological surgeon, was also unsuccessful.

If anything good came from this experience, it was one of my dad's favorite family stories. I was recovering from the operation, and he stepped into my hospital room one morning and saw a large group of doctors surrounding my bed staring down at me in total concentration. His heart fell thinking the worst, and he hurried over to find that I was soundly thrashing the greatest medical minds in the country in a game of chess.

But from early on, all the procedures left profound physical and emotional scars. I mean that quite literally. I could not urinate standing up (which contributed to my lifelong affinity for the fairer sex), I had great difficulty controlling my bladder, and I was embarrassed by my disfigurement. When I was in first and second grade, I sometimes had accidents at my desk. I would shrink down inside myself until one of my classmates called it to the teacher's attention. I would be taken into the restroom where I had to wait until my father, a young, practicing attorney, could be reached and bring me clean clothes. My father was angry at having to tear himself away from clients or court, the teacher was angry at having her lessons interrupted, and to say that when walking back into the classroom, I felt about - and wished I was - two inches tall, does not adequately convey my thoughts and emotions.

As you can imagine, this caused immense problems when I reached dating age. And high school swim class, where for some ungodly reason we swam nude, was a nightmare.

All these issues were compounded by the double-promotion. Because my birthday fell in September, I had just turned five when I entered kindergarten. Most of my classmates were six months to a year older than I was, and after skipping a grade, I was nine years old in 5th grade sitting among boys and GIRLS who were eleven or even twelve. I was a small kid anyway, and being a strange, brainy, Jewish, introvert in a predominantly Irish Catholic neighborhood, was a recipe for disaster. Nature, nurture, random chance.

In fact, as the Huff Post reports, there is "an emerging field of psychology called post-traumatic growth which suggests that many people are able to use their hardships and early-life trauma for substantial creative growth. Specifically, researchers have found that trauma can help people to grow in the areas of interpersonal relationships, spirituality, appreciation of life, personal strength, and - most importantly for creativity - seeing new possibilities in life."

Researcher and psychologist Scott Kaufman explains, "A lot of people are able to use that as the fuel they need to come up with a different perspective on reality. What's happened is that their view of the world as a safe place, or as a certain type of place, has been shattered at some point in their life, causing them to go on the periphery and see things in a new, fresh light, and that's very conducive to creativity."

Many creative people, myself included, daydreamed their way through grade school. As a student in the Chicago public school system, I was disengaged from my surroundings. For the subjects I was interested in, such as reading and writing, my aptitude was so far beyond the level of the curriculum, that I quickly lost interest. For subjects that I was curious about like history, I was more interested in "why" than in the repetition of dates and names without context. Math and science, the way they were taught, turned me off, and let's face it, although they may have been qualified and well-meaning, the teachers were not inspiring.

Yet despite my inattentiveness, my classroom and standardized test scores (using the old number 2 pencil) were so high that I was double-promoted from 3rd to 5th grade.

The study concluded that contrary to popular opinion, far from being "mindless," daydreaming actually involves a highly engaged brain state, where insights and connections rise unbidden.

Another trait displayed by creative individuals is that they observe everything and see possibilities everywhere. Just think of a comedian who goes through life constantly looking for new material. But what the creative individual observes most is themselves. American author, Joan Didion, wrote, "However dutifully we record what we see around us, the common denominator of all we see is always, transparently, shamelessly, the implacable 'I.'"

Psychologist Rollo May remarked, "You need to get in touch with that inner monologue to be able to express it. It's hard to find that inner creative voice if you're not getting in touch with yourself and reflecting on yourself."

Creative people need - and take - the time to think. The study refers to this time as "solitude." In case after case, the iconic character conceived by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, focuses his intellect on an inanimate object and draws inferences that boggle the mind of Dr. Watson - as well as the reader. And invariably, after Holmes explains his deductions, Watson remarks on how easy the mental exercise seems.

Creative people make it look "easy," because all the 'thinking' that went into the finished project is hidden.

Creative people also understand that their avocations are a job. They may not adhere to a 9-5 schedule, but as with any other form of employment, they establish a schedule that works best for them. Some creatives prefer early mornings, while others prefer the dead of night, but the one thing they all know is that "genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration." If artists just sat around waiting for some divinely inspired revelation to strike them, they would achieve very little. By the way, the quote is from Thomas Edison.

These work habits - solitude and scheduling - are part and parcel of the creative process.

Another essential aspect of the creative mind is curiosity. These individuals readily seek out new experiences, often crossing the line into danger. Anyone who knows me or has read my blog, knows that I have continuously put myself into situations where things could have quickly gone south. Brushes with the law, experimentation with drugs, binge drinking, hitchhiking, shoplifting, joyriding, skitching on the backs of cars, were the dark side of thrill seeking.

But openness to different kinds of music, cultures, and most importantly, ways of thinking are the bright side of the coin. Psychologist Scott Kaufman explains it this way: "Openness to experience is consistently the strongest predictor of creative achievement. This consists of intellectual curiosity, thrill seeking, openness to your emotions, openness to fantasy. The thing that brings them all together is a drive for cognitive and behavioral exploration of the world."

This innate and irresistible curiosity extends from the infinite to the infinitesimal. Curiosity led, for better or worse, from the splitting of the atom and quantum mechanics, to the exploration of deepest space. It reaches from the beginning of time to the fate of the universe. It challenges the existence of God, the meaning of life, and our place in the cosmos. It leads from heights of glory to crushing despair.

Socrates sentiment that "the unexamined life is not worth living," is a mantra for creative minds.

Creation is also a very risky business. A true artist puts everything out there for all to see. They literally expose themselves, much as I have done earlier in this piece. They open themselves to failure, ridicule, banishment, embarrassment, and worst of all, indifference. But they do it anyway because they have no choice.

As the Huff Post says, "Creative people tend to be intrinsically motivated - meaning that they're motivated to act from some internal desire, rather than a desire for external reward or recognition."

Creative individuals are keenly aware of their "gift" or "curse," as the case may be. The Handbook of Creativity states, "Eminent creators choose and become passionately involved in challenging, risky problems that provide a powerful sense of power from the ability to use their talents."

When highly creative people have been asked, "What frightens you most?" the number one answer is, "a blank page." That rectangle of white emptiness that mocks and dares. Fortunately there is nothing a creative person likes more than a challenge.

Steven Kotler wrote in Forbes, "Creativity is the act of making something from nothing." But I disagree. It's been said that in even the most altruistic act of charity is selfishness. Creativity is the ultimate act of sharing - of time, talent, effort, and the innermost self.

Huff Post notes, "Many of the most iconic stories and songs of all time have been inspired by gut-wrenching pain and heartbreak." Sharing this pain is cathartic for both giver and receiver.

Yet, time and again, when I read a great work of literature, look at a great painting, listen to a great piece of music, I can see the writer, painter, and musician smiling as they flex their creative muscles. My deepest hope is that others see the same in me. Whether I achieve that is up to others.

Creatives are able to tap into what is known as the "flow state," or being "in the zone." Huff Post explains, "Flow is a mental state when an individual transcends conscious thought to reach a heightened state of effortless concentration and calmness, that allows them to create at their highest level."

One finding of the study that I found personally enlightening was that creative individuals feel compelled to surround themselves with beauty. Again, as everyone who knows me is only too aware, I love decorating, and I take great pride in my collection of vintage and handmade one-of-a-kind holiday ceramics, textiles, and artwork. And these items of 'beauty' need not be expensive. In fact, my brother calls me "the master of the five dollar knickknack."

In its simplest form, creativity is the ability to connect two ideas that have never been connected before. This is the essence of humor. Steve Jobs explains it thusly: "Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn't really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That's because they were able to connect experiences they've had and synthesize new things."

Finally, there is a goal, a method to the madness. Psychologist Scott Kaufman says, "Creative expression is self-expression. Creativity is nothing more than an individual expression of your needs, desires and uniqueness."

Indeed, I have always thought of my writing as a seduction. Award winning sci-fi writer Harlan Ellison said, "Love me, love my writing." Creativity is as simple as that.