Be Ready Whenever the Mood Strikes

My wife and I were watching the final round of the PGA golf tournament. We always mute the commercials because they're either for erectile dysfunction or high-end investment companies. But as one commercial break began, before we could hit the mute button, a spokesman for a retirement fund said, "Who's the oldest person you know?"

A longstanding joke between my wife and I is that even with all my health issues over the years (diabetes, cancer, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, spinal cord AVMs, Transverse Myelitis), I am going to outlive everyone I know because I'm so damn cranky.

I turned to my wife and said, "Me. It's God's biggest joke."

"Yah," she said, "on God's biggest joker."