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Thursday, June 13, 2013

Be It Ever So Humble

He reduced speed on his two-wheeled intergalactic cruiser with butterfly handlebars from interstellar to suborbital and gracefully soared up the cracked cement driveway and into the cinderblock spaceport. He shut down the power drive, which got its source from thought waves, and disembarked, dropping the kickstand. He walked around the side of the house, around to the front because he knew mother would be in the kitchen where the back door led.

He walked quickly through the living room, observing the gold sofa, father's matching gold recliner, the dark wood knickknack shelf which displayed mother's valuable vacation souvenirs, the console hi-fi that sounded like shit, the hanging lamp with little amber colored plastic prisms, and the gold carpet his feet were compelled to touch, because he hadn't perfected his levitation suit yet. He didn't like to touch the carpet; mother was wired to the whole house and if you touched anything she could detect you. He noted the absence of plants, animals, or people in the living room, and a velvet painting in an elaborately carved wooden frame of an old Jewish sage in full white whiskers, robed in a white with blue striped tallis, sounding a shofar.

He heard mother in the kitchen fixing dinner. It was Friday night – she would be making roast brisket, kishke, chopped liver, and mandelbrot for dessert. She kept a kosher home. Rabbi would be coming home with father for shabbos dinner. Rabbi was a widower. Children had to wear skull caps and recite the kiddush. This reflected well on father and mother. He hated Friday nights.

He had to pass a doorway that led from the living room to the kitchen. He reached down and activated the invisibility screen on his belt. He silently slipped down the hall past the open bathroom door, smelling the thick, powdery air in the pink tiled porcelain room. He didn't like the bathroom. It made him feel vulnerable, vaguely nauseous. The bathroom could be a torture chamber or dungeon. Father made him eat in there for talking back at the table, and washed his mouth out with soap for saying dirty words.

His hand reached the knob to his room. Shelter. Privacy. He swiftly shut the door, lowered the blinds mother had opened, turned on the blacklight, turned on the music. He lay down on his bed and fired up a joint. He looked at the poster of a dark magical castle on an inaccessible mountain peak rising out of a dense and mysterious forest. A crescent moon hung in an inky sky impaled by a turret. He watched the banners flap in the wind that the storm he knew was coming brewed up. He walked under the shadow of the trees, the hard, cold ground beneath his bare feet, sharp stones embedding in his flesh. Being the son of god on earth was hard work. He was entitled to a rest. That unreachable rest.

He heard bitch little sister come home from school as his will held the planets in their orbits and the cosmos in its forward rotation, no matter how hard the Evil Maldo tried to destroy him. The Evil Maldo – arch rival, equal in power, but far far older. The Evil Maldo was a great overlord commanding servants and spies so that the Web of Maldo was intricately laced and spherically weaved around the universal cortex. The gossamer strands like the scathing strings of an Eolian lyre intertwined with the very life breath of the decaying stage; ignorant actors disappearing through trapdoors and changing roles behind jeweled curtains like kingly robes to carry out the drama:

“To be or not to be? . . .”
And a zillion other questions . . .
And a zillion other quests . . .
And a million billion answers . . .
And a million billion goals . . .
And a million billion zillion stars in the sky . . .

How many times that day had he avoided the Evil Maldo and his spinning feelers only to become entangled in other nerves of the all-encompassing brain who ruled from his throne on a dark planet thousands of lightyears from earth? Yet he had, as always, escaped – barely – to live out another day another second another lifetime. How long would his sword remain sharp, his lance keen enough to repel the advances of the Evil Maldo? Only he stood in the way of the Evil Maldo claiming all existence as his tribute.

He stood with a scythe of silver and sea jade as a sea wall upon a sea mount. A galloping sea horse ridden by a shimmering sea maid with sea green eyes sailed past dancing sea holly as the sea king's slimy sea serpent and baying sea wolves sought to overtake her. As stout as an anchor he smote the wicked sea king's host into sea wrack.

SEA QUAKE ! ! !

Violent storm, thunder and lightening, shock waves rolling, drowning, sea borne gloamings in sea girt foam of sea lavender as sea eagles mate with sea ravens screeching! . . .

“What is it?” he responded to the knock on the door.

“We're eating!” bitch little sister said.

He set the controls on automatic so that the heavens would not run amok in his absence. He shut off the music, and went out to dinner. “Oh, finally decided to join the human race, huh?” said mother, eliciting a braying laugh from father and a smile from rabbi who believed that when in Rome don't claim to be the messiah.

Being the first born, he was expected to say the blessing over the fruit of the vine, but he did so mechanically, which was appropriate since he sometimes was a robot.

Younger brother also recited kiddush. He scoffed at younger brother. Younger brother was a jock. Younger brother had friends. Younger brother had girlfriends. Younger brother went outside and played. Younger brother didn't have to worry about holding the universe together.

Rabbi said Hamotzi over the challah.

Mother brought food to the linen covered table and everyone set about eating. The flames of the two shabbos candles in their brass candlesticks flickered as she set down the dishes. Younger brother helped himself to the mashed potatoes that mother had served in a china bowl. Usually she served potatoes in the pot they were cooked in. Father asked bitch little sister about school, asked younger brother about sports, asked mother about housewivery. Mother replied, “I polished the silver.” He wondered if she meant the shackles around her neck and ankles and wrists that were obviously the cause of the back pains mother complained about as she slumped around the house stopping occasionally to rub her varicose legs. Mother's breasts were veiny too. Father asked rabbi about religious matters, like the Men's Club Bowling Nite.

He watched himself eat even as he lay upon the safety of his bed surrounded by the music. Who said you can't be in two places at the same time? Father then asked him how school was. “Sucked,” he replied.

He was terrified of school. Everyone there was an agent of the Evil Maldo. School took a lot of energy to get through. After school he would fly to his sanctuary, his intergalactic cruiser with black banana seat traveling at incomprehensible velocities down the avenues of space and time. He would park in the spaceport and retire to his quarters till the next morning when the never ending - never changing parade charade of life forced him into superficial conventionalities. Why couldn't they just let him tend to the universe in peace?

“Dear,” said mother to father, “we've got to do something about that attitude of his.”

“Why don't you take your fucking attitude and stick it!” he shouted at mother.

“Alright! That does it!” yelled father. “Get in your room and don't come out!”

He trembled as he closed the door of his room and turned on the music. He moved his dresser in front of the door. He laid down on his bed and used his psychic electricity to set up a force field. He shut off the automatic controls and took charge of the universe once more. He felt the presence of the Evil Maldo mocking him, tempting him, chiding him, deriding him, twisting his mind. He saw the grinning, leering face of the Evil Maldo hovering in clouds of fog crowned with a halo of fire. He saw, smelt, heard, tasted, and felt the pressure increase and beat upon him, tossing and turning him in his bed, drawing tears from his despair inflicted, despair inflicting eyes.

Loudspeaker blasts of crushing decibels, shouts and anguished screams, monster amplifier headphones of cackling laughter, gunshots through taut eardrums, drumming, pounding, noise, sounds, voice . . .

“Open up, please open the door. I just want to talk to you,” pleaded mother.

He focused his entire psychic radiation into a slashing beam. The beam smote mother in the heart. She stumbled back at the onslaught. Father sensing the intensity of the attack came to her aid.

“OPEN THIS DOOR ON THE COUNT OF THREE OR I'LL BREAK IT DOWN!”

He quickly drew up the blind, punched out the screen of the window and jumped out into the backyard. He raced around the house to the spaceport, boarded his intergalactic cruiser feeling the strength return to him as he firmly grasped the dirty white handlebar grips. He launched his vehicle out into the night and sailed past the opening back door from which father yelled and mother cried.

He increased speed down the driveway, out into the street. He soared madly past rows of flashing houses cursing everything and everyone to eternal suffering, turned once more to look back at mother, father, younger brother, bitch little sister, rabbi in the driveway.

Turned to meet the oncoming eyes of the Evil Maldo, smiled, said goodbye, and kissed the front end of a Mack truck.

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