Vision of Heaven

Somewhere along the line I got this vision of Heaven where all the goody goody two shoes ever born walked on soft puffy clouds, dressed in shining white robes, golden halos and gossamer wings. Everyone lived in alabaster mansions and went around with beatific smiles, playing harps or lutes or somesuch. Animals were not allowed, but at the end of the lane, a giant old man with a long beard sat on a raised throne dispensing merciless justice and incomprehensible love.

This is NOT my idea of Heaven. I am a certified agnostic, political anarchist, misanthrope. At all times I prefer animals over people, most of whom I can't stand. I prefer living in my old farmhouse. Although I laugh a lot and tell a lot of jokes, as my sense of humor is the only thing that keeps me sane, I do not roll around in my wheelchair with a smile on my face. And finally, my stated goal in life is to get to Heaven, approach God, and give Him one hell of a bust in the chops.

Of course, 72 virgins has its allures . . .