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Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thanksgiving Prayer



Harvest Table Blessing

Thank you, Lord, for the abundance of nature;
For the labor of those who plant,
harvest and prepare;
For health and appetite to enjoy Thy bounty
And for all who gather around this table.
May this food and fellowship
Give us strength we need
To carry out your work in the world.

Amen

"Every Barn Tells A Story"
Ann Zemke & Diane Entrikin

Friday, November 22, 2013

"A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on." JFK

November 22, 1963 was a warm sunny day in Dallas, perfect for a ride in a convertible Lincoln four-door parade limousine, and a stroll on a grassy knoll.

Today marks the 50th anniversary, if you will, of the assassination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, our nation's 35th President. The airwaves will be full of reflections, news reports, sound bites, photo-ops, and endless debate by pundits and talking heads. All I know is that we have 50 years of unanswered questions.

As Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States of America, this decorated navy seaman and cold warrior made the ultimate sacrifice for his country, killed by the enemies of freedom.

However, with all the attention being paid to the commemoration of JFK's death, it is easy to overlook the tragedy that befell his beloved brother Bobby. Therefore I have selected this quote to honor both men.

In March 1968, just before he was assassinated, Robert Kennedy said in a speech at the University of Kansas:
"The Gross National Product counts air pollution and cigarette advertising, and ambulances to clear our highways of carnage. It counts the destruction of the redwood and the loss of our natural wonder in chaotic sprawl. Yet the GNP does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education, or the joy of their play. It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials. It measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worthwhile."
I've seen other people post this picture, but it's my favorite portrait of JFK, so I am posting it anyway.



Thursday, November 21, 2013

This Will Only Hurt A Little

ATTENTION PLEASE. THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Will everyone under 40 years of age turn around, bend way over, and grab your ankles, so that everyone over 40 years of age can screw you. But instead of saying "Oh god..Oh god..Oh god.." I want you to say "O bama..O bama..O bama.."

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

I Haven't Even Finished Eating All My Halloween Candy!

With Thanksgiving just a day away, I want to share a few of my all-time favorite Turkey Day shows.

We never miss the opportunity to invite Charlie Brown into our home for the holidays, so A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is a must. I was already fifteen years old when this first aired, so it doesn't have the emotional bond of the Halloween and Christmas episodes. But the colors are bright, Peppermint Patty turns in one of her finest performances, and we get not one but two great Snoopy and Woodstock skits, first when they are getting the backyard ready, and second when they put on their Pilgrim costumes. Available through Amazon.

While we're speaking about Charlie Brown, there is another wonderful Thanksgiving piece featuring the Peanuts gang, an episode of the TV series "This Is America, Charlie Brown," The Mayflower Voyagers, 1988. In a simplified and entertaining way, the cartoon educates about the Atlantic crossing, and settling in a new land. Available through Amazon.

We also love having Garfield over, so Garfield's Thanksgiving is an annual laugh riot. Spoiler alert: Grandma saves the day. Available through Amazon.

A real (or should I say surreal) gem from the past is the 1951 cartoon short Pilgrim Popeye. And as the story teaches, you should eat your spinach - even on Thanksgiving.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSLDlHhgLiM

Then there's the Bewitched episode Samantha's Thanksgiving where Aunt Clara, of course, sends herself, Samantha, Darrin, Tabitha, and Mrs. Kravitz back to old Plymouth. Elizabeth Montgomery's soliloquy in the last act still rings true today. Available through Amazon.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2gj81n

One Thanksgiving cartoon I would think about, and then forget, and then think about, is the Underdog episode titled Simon Says..No Thanksgiving (1966). I found it on Youtube, in two parts, and I recalled why I had such a crush on Sweet Polly Purebred. She's still hot!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZX_kjTPQGb0

The only full-length Thanksgiving movie that we traditionally look forward to is the 1952 MGM big screen production Plymouth Adventure starring Spencer Tracy and Gene Tierney. Tracy is at his cynical best, and Tierney's overbite leads the way in every scene she chews. The film won an Oscar for the storm at sea scene. The movie is available through Amazon, but the following trailer is vintage Hollywood.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaH5WLft8Jg

The place of honor goes to the 70's sitcom WKRP in Cincinnati. Perennially voted the number one Thanksgiving pick in poll after poll, the final line has become iconic in popular culture. Against tremendous temptation, I won't give it away. The name of the episode is Turkeys Away.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Zuj3dwZl64

One final note, before the NFL started showing three games on Thanksgiving, after dinner and the afternoon game, we would snuggle up and watch Miracle on 34th Street with a precocious Natalie Wood. As you know, the story opens on Thanksgiving Day in New York City at the Macy's Parade. The classic film is a light-hearted way to transition into the holiday season. Be sure to check out this ad for the film.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ce_op2qG24

So wattle over to the couch and queue up some of these Thanksgiving turkeys.



I haven't even finished eating all my Halloween candy!

With Thanksgiving just a week away, I want to share a few of my all-time favorite Thanksgiving shows.

We never miss the opportunity to invite Charlie Brown into our home for the holidays, so A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is a must. I was already fifteen years old when this first aired, so it doesn't have the emotional bond of the Halloween and Christmas episodes. But the colors are bright, Peppermint Patty turns in one of her finest performances, and we get not one but two great Snoopy and Woodstock skits, first when they are getting the backyard ready, and second when they put on their Pilgrim costumes. Available through Amazon.


While we're speaking about Charlie Brown, there is another wonderful Thanksgiving piece featuring the Peanuts gang, an episode of the TV series This Is America, Charlie Brown: The Mayflower Voyagers, 1988. In an entertaining way, the cartoon educates about the Atlantic crossing, and settling in a new land. Available through Amazon.


We also love having Garfield over, so Garfield's Thanksgiving is an annual laugh riot. Spoiler alert: Grandma saves the day. Available through Amazon.


A real (or should I say surreal) gem from the past is the 1951 cartoon short Pilgrim Popeye. And as the story teaches, you should eat your spinach - even on Thanksgiving.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSLDlHhgLiM


Then there's the Bewitched episode Samantha's Thanksgiving where Aunt Clara, of course, sends herself, Samantha, Darrin, Tabitha, and Mrs. Kravitz back to old Plymouth. Elizabeth Montgomery's soliloquy in the last act still rings true today. Available through Amazon.


One Thanksgiving cartoon I would think about, and then forget, and then think about, is the Underdog episode titled Simon Says..No Thanksgiving (1966). I found it on Youtube, in two parts, and I recalled why I had such a crush on Sweet Polly Purebred. She's still hot!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZX_kjTPQGb0

The only full-length Thanksgiving movie that we traditionally look forward to is the 1952 MGM big screen production Plymouth Adventure starring Spencer Tracy and Gene Tierney. Tracy is at his cynical best, and Tierney's overbite leads the way in every scene she chews. The film won an Oscar for the storm at sea scene. The movie is available through Amazon, but the following trailer is vintage Hollywood.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaH5WLft8Jg

The place of honor goes to the 70's sitcom WKRP in Cincinnati. Perennially voted the number one Thanksgiving pick in poll after poll, the final line has become iconic in popular culture. Against tremendous temptation, I won't give it away. The name of the episode is Turkeys Away.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Zuj3dwZl64

One final note, before the NFL started showing three games on Thanksgiving, after dinner and the afternoon game, we would snuggle up and watch Miracle on 34th Street with a precocious Natalie Wood. As you know, the story opens on Thanksgiving Day in New York City at the Macy's Parade. The classic film is a light-hearted way to transition into the holiday season. Be sure to check out this ad for the film.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ce_op2qG24

So wattle over to the couch and queue up some of these Thanksgiving turkeys.






Saturday, November 16, 2013

The Buck Stops Here

NEWS FLASH!

DNR SWAT unit raids animal shelter and removes fawn in body bag at gunpoint.

Wait! I know that's an old headline that I've previously blogged about, but new information has come to my attention. In a recent article on Motherboard (www.facebook.com/motherboardtv), the authorities' hidden agenda has been made clear. They are not killing these (cute, widdle, helpless, baby) animals, they have been raising them and turning them into super-robots to aid in law enforcement operations.




Meghan Neal at Motherboard reports:
A hunter was busted after being duped in a robodeer sting by police. [The violator] was driving when he spotted the "animal" on the side of the road, pulled over, got out of his car, and shot [it] in the neck with a rifle. Cops quickly emerged from hiding nearby and arrested the poacher, who now faces a year in [jail] for hunting out of season and discharging a firearm from the roadway. 
But robotic decoys aren't a new tactic; officials from state Fish and Wildlife Commissions have been using the technology to catch illegal hunters for years....  Police set up the robotic replica as bait to target poachers that ignore game laws and kill deer in an unsportsmanlike fashion - out of season, from public roadways, using nighttime spotlighting, and so on. 
The decoys look super-realistic, particularly when staged in the woods, officials say. Also, they move. Cops crouching in the bushes or whatnot nearby can make the robodeer flick its tail, move its ears, or turn its head with a remote controller, from up to 50 feet away. 
And these [super-robodeer] can take as many as 1,000 shots before they need to be replaced.
The animal droids are created by Custom Robotic Wildlife (www.roboticwildlife.com), a taxidermy company in Wisconsin  that makes robot decoys and sells them to law enforcement for anti-poaching activities.

The company website states: "Combining technology, creativity and the art of taxidermy, [CRW] is a leader in producing all types of robotic mounts including conservation decoys for law enforcement agencies. Powered by twelve 'AA' batteries, this system is not only easy to use, but extremely deadly for bringing your prey out in the open and into range."

I tried reaching out to the robo-ruminants for comment, but they have not returned my mating calls.




The Music of MADness

The following link was sent to me by my son Nik.
Uploaded by Josip Å ulj: Japanese artist Isao Hashimoto has created a beautiful, undeniably scary time-lapse map of the two-thousand and fifty-three nuclear explosions which have taken place between 1945 and 1998....
Each nation gets a blip and a flashing dot on the map whenever they detonate a nuclear weapon.... Hashimoto ...says that he created it with the goal of showing "the fear and folly of nuclear weapons." It starts really slow — but the buildup becomes overwhelming.



Somehow profoundly beautiful...*



*The 3-1/4 mile diameter fireball from the Operation Ivy - Mike Event was the largest ever produced. The destructive effects were so great that the test island disappeared.

[Photo from the National Nuclear Security Administration / Nevada Site Office]

There's no minus to this Plus Size Pinup

A friend suggested I "Like" a new Facebook page at www.facebook.com/LostPinup. They post a lot of vintage movie star pin-ups, posters and artwork, and retro clothing and accessories. As you know, I am a big fan of history, vintage photography in color and black & white, and retro culture. Most of the posts I've seen thus far have been of the Marilyn Monroe, Ava Gardner, and even Lucille Ball - in their glam and swimsuit best - variety. But then I saw this, and Lost Pinup will forevermore hold a special place in my heart.


I'd love to kiss those pouty cheeks!

Friday, November 15, 2013

9-1-1 - Please State Your Emergency . . .

We've all heard the Thanksgiving horror stories - turkeys still frozen solid on Thanksgiving morning, beautifully browned birds dropped on the floor, gravy more thick and lumpy than the mashed potatoes - but this one beats them all.

Some years ago, my brother was a sales rep at a major insurance company. This is how he relates the story:

"The day after Thanksgiving a client called and asked if his homeowners insurance covered burning down his next-door neighbor's garage. Apparently he had a goose on his rotisserie grill for Thanksgiving dinner, and the grease caused the bird to start on fire. He removed the spit and started waving the flaming goose around trying to put the fire out. The goose flew off the spit and landed on the neighbor's garage roof. The grease started the roof on fire and burned the garage down."

This story is so visual. I can see the poor guy panicking and waving the flaming goose back and forth in the effort to put it out. I can picture the look of abject terror on his face as he watched his glorious dinner arcing majestically across the clear, blue sky and then exploding like an artillery shell!

I can only imagine the wide-eyed, speechless neighbor ripped away from his culinary and gridiron bliss by blaring sirens in his driveway. The fire trucks. The hoses. The police directing traffic. The stopped motorists and people from up and down the block gawking.

He was covered.

I'm Booking the Next Flight to Rio!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/14/dai-macedo-miss-bum-bum-2013_n_4276120.html?fb_action_ids=10201574995869124&fb_action_types=og.recommends&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%2210201574995869124%22%3A564795250261573%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210201574995869124%22%3A%22og.recommends%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D



Dai Macedo, Miss Bum Bum 2013


Sage Advice

You may want to prepare your home for Thanksgiving with this Native American cleansing ritual. The following seven minute video shows you how to harvest, dry, and smoke - I mean burn - the sacred herb. I'm talking, of course, about sage.

Sage refers to two things: One venerated for experience, calm judgment, and wisdom; or an aromatic plant with grayish-green leaves that are used as a culinary and medicinal herb, White sage (Artemesia califoncia) and Desert sage (Salvia apiana).

I leave it up to you to decide who the first definition refers to, but the second definition conjures up to me visions of a dark-skinned roasted turkey on a bed of herbs and savory stuffing.

However you use this aromatic plant over the holiday season, may it bless and protect your home with its healing powers.

http://www.whitewolfpack.com/2013/09/picking-sage-and-great-advice-from.html



Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Sacred Shelter of Refuge and Safety

My wife and I proudly support the WildCat Haven Sanctuary, wearing their T-shirts, displaying their calendars, and posting pictures of the magnificent cats. They ceaselessly care for these rescued animals, abandoned or relinquished by their owners, who bought them legally or illegally as cubs, and soon came to realize that these are NOT house pets.

The Sanctuary has suffered a terrible tragedy and a tremendous loss, and it is not my place to speculate. But we are again reminded that these are powerful and dangerous animals, and that the people who care for them, do so at great personal risk.

Our hearts are heavy today. Prayers to all the people and animals affected by this horrible incident, and hope that they can continue to care for these majestic felines!

"WildCat Haven is a 501(c)3 non-profit, no-kill, ‘last hope’ sanctuary located in beautiful Sherwood, Oregon. Our mission is to provide a safe, natural lifetime home for captive-born wildcats in need. Earning verification and accreditation from both The Global Federation of American Sanctuaries (GFAS) and The American Sanctuary Association (ASA) WildCat Haven is not open to the public; nor do we buy, sell, breed or exhibit our animals. It’s a philosophy we believe in and stand by for the safety and well being of the wildcats. We are not a zoo for people but a safe haven for the animals in our care. Our rescues depend on us to provide for them. They trust we will keep them safe, comfortable, healthy and free from the pain and suffering they have experienced. And we are committed to fulfilling that trust every day. WCH Sanctuary receives no state or federal funding relying on fund-raising, and our generous donors and sponsors." WCH Mission Statement

http://wildcathaven.org/images/WildCat_Haven_Release_11_10_13.pdf
http://wildcathaven.org/images/WildCat_Haven_Release_11_11_13.pdf



Cougar at WildCat Haven Sanctuary

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Would You Prefer the Clown or the Magician?

A big shout out to my son Ben on his 26th birthday. Since the day he was born on a Friday the 13th, halfway between Halloween and Thanksgiving, he has been both a joy and a curse to me. With his bright red hair, boundless energy, and insatiable appetite, we called him the thing that came from the kitchen.

Coincidentally, he is also my wife's son, and we named him after our favorite historical character, Benjamin Franklin. He was my buddy through thick and thin, and as with his older brother Nikolaus, we dragged him all over creation and back.

One of my favorite memories is of play wrestling on my bed and his "punishment" for letting me pin him down was I would lean close to his ear and sing the love song from the movie "Titanic." This would cause him to struggle to beat the band, and we would both be laughing so hard we could barely move.

As he entered his teen years, things went down hill. Although we were still close, my wife and I watched him make decisions that we knew would destroy his life. Perhaps this is so with all parents and teenagers. I must take a large part of the blame. As he heard stories of his old man's wayward youth, he felt compelled to outdo me, a path fraught with pitfalls.

He saw the best of me and the worst, and I of him. It was with the heaviest of hearts that we saw him drop out of school, in trouble with the law, and estranged from the family.

Where was the little boy, who when we were boarding a plane for Disney World with my family, leaving behind his crying mother, said for all to hear, "Don't cry mom, I'll be back," or in the depths of Mammoth Cave, rubbed the wishing stone, and brought the tour group to its knees when he said, "My wish is that we get out of here alive," and he meant it?

Fortunately I was still here to see him survive, and begin the grueling struggle to pull himself out of the grave he had dug for himself. Under the tutelage of a very strong, wise and knowledgeable man, Jim Simpson, he learned the building trade - carpentry, electrical, plumbing, even automotive, as well as the discipline needed to carry out the grunt work.

And still the struggle continues, but I have seen him grow into a fine, handsome, brilliant young man. It was only a year ago that he married his sweetheart, Ashly, in the most wonderful wedding I have ever seen. He transformed our property into an autumn fairyland of hay bales, pumpkins, and cornstalks, and they were married on a crisp, clear, fall afternoon beneath one hundred and fifty year old trees.

Other than life itself, he has given us much more than we could ever have given him. We now have a beautiful, amazing daughter who continues to impress us more each day. She drew forth the love that was hidden deep within him, but that once tapped, was a limitless wellspring. He has given us grandchildren, continuing the hope in the future, upon which each new generation rests. His responsibility and commitment to his family shines like a beacon on a hill, as an example to all.

And yet the march of time rolls on. He is now officially closer to 30 than 20. But as he embarks upon young adulthood, from where I lay, I couldn't be more pleased. He carries on the torch that I handed down to him from my father, and my father's father before him - the torch of truth and justice (and the American way). No father could be more proud of his son.

So once again, I say to my son Ben, a very happy birthday, and many, many, many more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaRPjjDdvjg



Tuesday, November 12, 2013

bab·ble v. To utter a meaningless confusion of words or sounds

Genesis Chapter 11: 4-9
4 And they said: 'Come, let us build us a city, and a tower, with its top in heaven, and let us make us a name; lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.'
5 And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded.
6 And the LORD said: 'Behold, they are one people, and they have all one language; and this is what they begin to do; and now nothing will be withholden from them, which they purpose to do.
7 Come, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.'
8 So the LORD scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth; and they left off to build the city.
9 Therefore was the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth; and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.
Language has always fascinated me. Vocal communication allows us to go beyond the basic physical cues of body language to exchange the most profound thoughts and ideas, and the deepest of emotions. Language is what enables the human race to achieve marvels - splitting the atom, building towers that reach to the sky, landing a man on the moon, and peering into the illimitable beauty of the farthest reaches of the cosmos.

Of course, I am biased towards written language. I can make these strange little marks on a piece of paper, or a slab of stone, or a sheet of lambskin, or on a digital screen, and five hundred years from now, people will be able to discern my experiences, my humor, my wisdom, the essence of who I was, and what I did while I was here.

We are arriving very quickly to a point where technology will not only allow us to record every minute of our lives in real-time 3D, from the moment of our conception to the second of our death, but will make it imperative.

Perhaps it is the ultimate irony of the human condition that the very tool, developed over eons of time, that let's us cooperate as a species to extend ourselves into the infinite and the infinitesimal universe, is also the very thing that keeps us apart, and may very well lead to our eventual destruction.



Monday, November 11, 2013

hol·ler - 1. verb: give a loud shout or cry. 2. noun: a small valley between mountains

The thing I love most in the world is sharing bluegrass music with my sweetie (and as long as my wife doesn't find out, I'm okay).

This weekend was the 27th Annual Springfield Illinois Greater Downstate Indoor Bluegrass Music Festival. This was the farthest afield I've been since being diagnosed with TM. We used to attend this show every year, and we missed it greatly. This year, I just felt in a place, where I thought I could handle the effort, so as a family, we decided to give it a try.

One of the things I always do when planning a trip is look for interesting places to eat. After a delightful car ride, the autumn leaves brightening the farther south we went, and checking in at the Crowne Plaza, we went out to a place I found, called the Lake Pointe Grill. From where I was sitting, I was able to watch pizzas going into and out of the artisanal brick oven on flat bladed, long handled, wooden shovels, called peels.

My son had one of the specialty wood fired pizzas (that he polished off, much to the regret of his groaning tummy). My wife had the aged ribeye, and reluctantly let me try a bite, and it was indeed melt in your mouth as advertised. I had the restaurant's signature entree, the Stuffed Meatloaf, "a blend of ground beef and Italian sausage stuffed with white cheddar and smoked Gouda cheeses, robed in apple wood smoked bacon with a sweet tomato balsamic glaze. Served with mashed potatoes and low country green beans." Yup.

We then got ready for the evening bluegrass show. Most of the evening's lineup we had not seen before. All bluegrass bands are based on five stringed instruments - the acoustic guitar, mandolin, fiddle, banjo, and upright bass, to which may be added the dulcimer, autoharp, resonator guitar (Dobro), penny whistle, mouth harp, and harmonica. The amazing musicians who play these instruments are masterful, and their virtuosity is what drew us to bluegrass music in the first place. Bluegrass also prides itself on its vocal harmonies.

A band by the name of Link Union took the stage: Mama Link, the matriarch of the family, who in true country fashion, taught her children to sing and play around the piano, and as they showed interest and aptitude in the various instruments, provided encouragement and arranged for lessons; the son, the youngest at 15; and three sisters, all of them gorgeous (including Mama and the brother).

They were absolutely sensational. And not only were they supremely talented performers, but they were steeped in music history. The young ladies demonstrated how mountain music was done in the 1800's, and the son awed the knowledgeable audience by playing Bach on banjo.

Serendipitously, I am in the middle of reading a Civil War book about the Siege of Vicksburg, and they closed their set with a tribute to Veterans Day, and the many veterans in attendance, by performing a medley of "Dixie" and "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."

One final note about the band. We have a wonderful collection of bluegrass Christmas music, and one of the things we look for most at the festivals are new Christmas albums. When we perused their table out in the lobby, sure enough, they had a CD of live Christmas music. Now the holidays can't come 'round fast enough.

My family is always skeptical about these off the beaten path restaurants I dig up, and this one took the cake. Saturday morning we headed out for breakfast at Jungle Jim's Limousine Service. Our route took us through industrial areas, residential neighborhoods, and sections of downtown Springfield, seldom scene by tourists visiting our State Capital.

However, the only problem upon arriving at our destination was that there was no jungle, no Jim, and definitely no limousine service. What there was, was a hole in the wall retro diner on historic Route 66. The friendly and efficient waitresses waited on the regulars who called each other by name across the restaurant. The coffee was fabulous, served with little metal pitchers of real cream, but we couldn't find any packets of sugar in the caddy - only artificial sweeteners and non-dairy creamers - until we realized that there was an actual sugar shaker on the table right in front of our eyes.

We were served heaping platefuls of eggs, bacon, biscuits and hot sausage gravy, flapjacks with mounds of whipped butter, real Western omelets, and platters of "redskins and veggies."

Fully sated, we returned to the hotel to get ready for the afternoon show. The Saturday headliners were a Grammy Award winning band called Rhonda Vincent and the Rage. Internationally known for their live "raging," they tore up the stage for the next hour. The band's long time sponsor, Martha White Flour, provides T-shirts and other branded items for Rhonda to toss out into the audience, and the band always does a raucous version of the Martha White jingle. This year, they were also raffling off a cast iron skillet. I thought they should have raffled off the T-shirts and thrown the skillet out into the audience.

I'm not going to say it's a conservative, white, Southern Baptist crowd, but after the festival, half the bedsheets in the hotel have two eyeholes cut out of them.

Believe it or not, my wife and I in our mid-50's, are actually considered to be part of the younger generation at the shows. But it was very hopeful to see so many teenagers, twenty-somethings, preteens, young adults, and even toddlers and infants with their proud parents, many people with instrument cases in tow. As festival promoter, and long time friend, Terry Lease would say, "Bluegrass is alive and well in the great state of Illinois."

One point of note however. As we were leaving the afternoon show for the dinner break before the evening performance, we got caught up by the elevators, in a 90 year old flash mob, and from my eye-level perspective in my wheelchair, the twerking was not a pretty sight.

We headed over to Smokey Bones, our favorite sports bar, for a couple of home brews and some ribs and smoked brisket. We caught a little of the Illinois game, but we couldn't stay long, and grabbed a few bags of the eatery's famous hot donuts to enjoy during the evening show.

Saturday evening kicked off with our personal friends and personal favorites from across our northern border of Wisconsin, and with whom we have a gentle Bears-Cheeseheads rivalry, the Highwater Band. Group founders, husband and wife, Art and Stephanie Stevenson, are a teacher and nurse respectively, and dedicated subsistence farmers.

Rounding out the band with Art on guitar and Stephanie on a beautiful, blonde wood bass, were Bruce King on mandolin, and Dale Reichert on banjo. With his boundless enthusiasm and thick handlebar mustache, Dale would fit into any turn of the century barbershop quartet, and indeed the band performed several a cappella numbers that brought the house down. Dressed in bright red long-sleeve shirts, string ties, and black slacks and vests, they were a throwback to the riverfront saloon jazz bands. The only thing missing were the crushed peanut shells on the floor.

Highwater finished their set with a show stopping cover of "The Orange Blossom Special," the quintessential bluegrass train song, with Art on harmonica, blowing the Special's whistle throughout the hall.

One of the hallmarks of bluegrass is the wisdom of the hills, told through jokes and humorous stories, in between songs (also allowing the band members to swap and tune instruments).
A banjo player got home from a gig and held out two Tylenol to his wife. The wife said, "What are those for?" The banjo player said, "For your headache." The wife said, "I don't have a headache." And the banjo player called out, "Gotcha!"
The next act took the stage, a traditional five man professional touring band called Balsam Range. As all such bands, they played a selection of polkas, waltzes, ballads, gospel hymns, and hi-octane instrumental breakdowns, all arranged for bluegrass. Balsam Range gave their own tribute to the well represented veterans in the audience with the uplifting, "Place No Wreath Upon My Door." They were called back for an encore, and chose the song "Ruby," a bluegrass standard whose origins lie in the mists of time, but embodies the plaintive, high lonesome sound of the hills in which it was born.

A great day ended with a group called The Dry Branch Fire Squad. The band is fronted by a man named Ron Thomason. In his younger days, he played with Bill Monroe, the Father of Bluegrass, and the Clinch Mountain Boys with Ralph and Carter Stanley, the heart of bluegrass music. He is a teaching professor with a PhD in Music History. This long, tall drink of clear, mountain moonshine is a National Treasure.
A preacher takes up residence in a church, and right off it comes into his mind that the church needs a new addition. He goes to the bank and takes out a loan, but quickly realizes that the collection plate alone is not enough to pay it back. The church board decides to collect all the old bibles from the locale and sell them for $5.00 each door to door.
A few Sundays later, the preacher asks if anyone has sold any bibles. A woman up front stands up and says, "Yes, preacher, I done sold four." The preacher says, "Well, that's a fine start. Anybody else?" Another member of the congregation stands up and says, "I be sellin' eight bibles." The preacher exclaims, "That is mighty fine." He looks over the gathering and says, "Any more?" 
Slowly a man stands up in the back of the church. The preacher recognizes him as the town loafer, who is also known for his severe stuttering. He says, " I I I so-so-sold fo-fo-fo hun-hun-hun-red." 
The preacher says, "Four hundred!? How in the Lord's name did you do that?" 
The man replies, "We-we-well, I I I went do-do-door to do-do-door and I I I said do-do-do you wa-wa-want to-to-to b-b-buy wu-wu-one of th-th-these b-b-bibles or do-do-do you w-w-want m-m-me to r-r-read it t-t-to y-y-you?"
I am not easily impressed with intellect, but Ron Thomason is brilliant. I cannot even begin to explain this man, but he stands on stage with an aw shucks, I'm just a simple, backwoods hillbilly persona, then quotes Shakespeare to make a point about iambic pentameter. He offends entire states at a time (Indiana, Kentucky, Massachusetts, and of course, Washington DC). I sat there smiling so much at this loquacious troubadour that my cheeks hurt.

He also does something called "hamboning." He sits in a chair, in front of a lone microphone and calls out an old Negro spiritual, while slapping his hands in rhythm across his legs, arms, chest, and cheeks. Hamboning was originally an African American plantation dance, that was brought from West Africa by slaves who performed it during their gatherings when no rhythm instruments were allowed due to fear of secret codes hidden in the drumming.

Ron Thomason relates how he was taught the technique by black children across the tracks, who his mother warned him to stay away from, naturally causing him to seek out friendships with the negro children.

When the show ended, we wound up in an elevator alone with one of the musicians from Balsam Range. He looked at me in my wheelchair and asked me, "How are you doing?"

Without even thinking about the ramifications of my answer, I said, "I'm in a terrible amount of pain," which I was from spending the whole day sitting in the wheelchair.

If he had asked, "How did you like the show?" or "Where are you folks from?" or something like that, my answer would have been quite different, but when he asked me straight out how did I feel, I responded with what was foremost on my mind at that moment.

He responded as best he could by saying, "Oh, I'm sorry. I hope you feel better," and by that time we were at our floor. After I thought about it, I felt kind of bad for bumming the poor guy out, but my wife said that I had also mentioned that it was worth it, which I didn't remember. Later when I told my son about the incident, he said, no. That if he were a performer he would have been proud that someone so loved his music that he would bear incredible pain to see the performance, and that these artists were interested in the kind of people who attend their shows.

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear (in fact, we were blessed with fabulous weather for the entire weekend) and I was ready to get right back in the saddle. After a fun, room service breakfast, we went down for the final show of the weekend, an hour and a half gospel meeting, with our friends the Highwater Band, and Dry Branch.

We always look forward to these relaxed, uncrowded, and informal Sunday morning performances, as a great way to unwind before heading home. Highwater did several inspirational numbers including an a cappella version of "Jacob's Ladder," and a bluegrass arrangement of the Jamaican reggae tune, "I Can See Clearly Now." They ended their session with a foot-stomping (so to speak, in my case) cover of the much loved harmonica piece, "Pick a Bale of Cotton," to a hearty, standing (again, in my case, figuratively) ovation.

Dry Branch, quite appropriately the final act of the weekend, took the stage dressed in their Sunday best. One very interesting note about Dry Branch is that they only use one microphone. All the other bands have separate vocal and instrumental mic's for each player, so there can be ten to twelve microphones on stage. Dry Branch hearkens back to an earlier time when musicians would all play and sing into one "can," as made famous in the movie "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" Each musician would step forward and fade back accordingly.

Ron Thomason sang hymns that would have rung from the rafters of white-painted country churches a hundred and fifty years ago, ending with, "In the Blood of the Lamb."

We left the festival with heavy hearts, but were now anxious to get home. We turned in our room keycards just in time to put the Bears game on the car radio. We were treated to the game call of Jeff Joniak and Tom Thayer and a great opening drive touchdown, only to be disappointed a short time later by an interception on the 4 yard line with 24 seconds left in the half.

As we traveled through Central Illinois, I was reminded of the old Burma Shave roadsigns along the highway, but these read: A LADY ALONE / NEEDS MORE DETERRENCE / THAN A PHONE / GUNS SAVE LIVES / .COM

Another thing we did that we turned into a game was to see how many hawk sightings we could count. Either sitting on telephone poles waiting for road kill, or swooping over harvested cornfields searching for mice, the majestic raptors were in large number.

We knew we were getting close to home as we crossed the Illinois River over the Abraham Lincoln Memorial Bridge. Our exit came up quickly and it felt good to get off the expressway. I happened to glance out my side window, and a half moon sat in an empty blue sky like a paintbrush dab of pale cloud.

We arrived home to find all right with the world. The house was still standing, the Bears suffered another excruciating loss, and our cats, who we missed and worried about for the entire weekend, wouldn't give us the time of day.

A good time was had by Al.



Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Black Box Or Black Ops

Imagine if you will that you are driving home from a long day at work. Your thoughts are of getting out of your suit and tie, hugging your wife, talking to your kids around the dinner table, then relaxing with a cold beer and watching a football game.

It's a crisp, fall, late afternoon and as you turn onto your street, you can see your family playing and raking leaves on your front lawn down the block.

Suddenly you hear a thunk as your door locks engage. Your car starts to accelerate wildly and your brakes are unresponsive as you mash your foot down on the pedal. Your car begins to weave all over the road as you fight the steering wheel. Panic looms as your house closes in through the windshield. Your family looks up confused and then frightened just moments before your vehicle plows over the curb, across your driveway and smashes into your wife and children.

In shock you try to crawl out of the car to comfort the bloody and broken bodies strewn about the yard, but the seat belt will not disengage. You scramble to retrieve your cell phone and dial 911, but the police are already on the way - notified of the accident before it actually happened - to arrest you for the intentional murder of your family.

This is the nightmare scenario suggested by Mike Adams, editor of Natural News, in his article about the mandatory black boxes being installed in all vehicles in America.

One item not specifically mentioned by Mr. Adams' is that 96% of all new cars already have the black boxes, and by the year 2015, that number will increase to 100%. Also, Mr. Adams makes no note of airplane black boxes that record voice transmissions and cockpit conversations, and that such capabilities could easily be built into the black boxes being installed in private vehicles.

In typical government doublespeak, the bill that would make the black boxes law is called the "Moving Ahead for Progress in the 21st Century Act." A controversial provision of the bill would tie in biometric face-recognition, iris scan, and transdermal sensor technology (already used to prevent an inebriated person from driving by disabling the automobile) to search IRS and law enforcement databases for unpaid taxes, parking tickets, and outstanding warrants before the onboard computer would allow the car to start.

Other concerns of potential abuse are voiced by Doug McKelway at Fox News as he points out that "an insurer [could] examine a customer’s pattern of speeding to withdraw coverage or increase premiums, or worse, manipulate speed data to evade an accident pay-out."

With rumors and conspiracy theories swirling in the aftermath of alternative news investigative journalist Michael Hastings' fiery demise, concerns are justified.

Of course, the public has been prepared for accepting the new devices through such systems as General Motors' OnStar services.

In the story dated Sunday, October 27, 2013, Mike Adams reports the following:

The federal government is working on a plan that would mandate black box tracking devices be installed in every vehicle, with real-time uploading of vehicle location, speed and mileage to government authorities. This Orwellian technology is already technically feasible and will be promoted as a way to increase "highway safety" while boosting government revenues from mileage taxation.

"The devices, which track every mile a motorist drives and transmit that information to bureaucrats, are at the center of a controversial attempt in Washington and state planning offices to overhaul the outdated system for funding America's major roads," reports the LA Times.

"[Congress is] exploring how, over the next decade, they can move to a system in which drivers pay per mile of road they roll over. Thousands of motorists have already taken the black boxes, some of which have GPS monitoring, for a test drive."

There are three hugely important realizations to glean from all this:

#1) The government will be able to track your vehicle in real-time. This would of course allow the government to track and map all your driving trips, know when you are home or away from home, establish patterns of your activity such as when you pick up kids from school or go grocery shopping, know if you attend political rallies, activist meetings, gun ranges or other destinations the government characterizes as being linked to "domestic terrorism."

The government could then use this information to target you for punitive tax audits, surprise armed raids, government shakedowns or other nefarious schemes that have now been revealed as routine extortion activities carried out by a criminal government.

#2) The Government can turn EVERY road into a toll road. Both state and federal governments absolutely love the idea of taxing you for every mile you drive.

Of course, governments already indirectly tax driving by taxing fuel. If you wanted to tax driving, taxing fuel is actually a very efficient way to do it. But the rise of electric vehicles is starting to freak out governments because they don't have a way to tax the actual road mileage of vehicles that don't burn gasoline or diesel.

Because governments inherently believe that all your money already belongs to them, they perceive electric vehicles as a source of "lost revenues." These lost revenues diminish the power and wealth of government while also limiting the amount of money that can be awarded to wealthy donors via no-bid contracts.

As a result, governments are drooling over the idea of using vehicle black boxes to tax you for every mile you drive, effectively turning every road into a toll road. Watch for this to start out as a very small tax to be more easily embraced by the public (maybe a penny per mile) and then get ratcheted up to $1, $2, or even $5 per mile in some areas.

#3) Black boxes don't have to be only one-way communication devices. They can also receive commands from government authorities such as commands to:

• Shut down your vehicle and disengage the starter, effectively stranding you with no way to drive.

• Lock you inside your own vehicle, trapping you until "authorities" arrive.

• Cause your car to drive off a cliff as a method of assassinating political enemies, then blaming it on their "bad driving."

• Cause your vehicle to run over pedestrians, thereby earning you a prison sentence for "vehicular manslaughter." (Yet another way to dispatch political enemies.)

• Through two-way black boxes, the government can even use coordinated vehicle control to do things like build a highway roadblock from 10 cars, cause a massive 50-car accident, or even drive a stream of heavy trucks through the walls of a family residence in an effort to kill a journalist.

It's no joke that two-way black boxes allow the government to turn your vehicle into a weapon while simultaneously compromising your freedom of movement. Through black boxes, governments can transform your car -- once a symbol of freedom -- into a rolling prison cage which may be used to imprison you, harm you or harm others.

Imagine, too, what happens when hackers seize control of the government's vehicle control system. They could then turn cars against each other and, with all the drivers trapped inside, turn America's roadways into a deadly demolition derby....

[One final note: Law enforcement officials refuse to confirm whether the black box from Michael Hastings' car was recovered .]




This is my blog and I'll post if I want to . . .

As most of you know, I am a big butts fan, but I am posting this picture just because I like it.



Tuesday, November 5, 2013

But Seriously Folks

"When it comes to humor, I think you'll find I'm pretty much all business . . ." Stephen J. Dunn

What A Bunch of Shit

I haven't written a police brutality blog in quite a while now, because, frankly, I've been disgusted by the whole deteriorating state of affairs. But as far as disgusting goes, this story sinks to a whole new level.

Imagine if you will . . .

You've just finished some shopping at your local Walmart, and as you are exiting the parking lot, you come to a "rolling stop" at a stop sign. Sure enough, your rearview mirror is immediately filled with flashing red and blue lights. Your heart drops into your stomach and your biggest concern is if you can get away with a warning instead of a ticket.

You pull over and the officer slowly approaches your window. You hand over your license, registration and proof of insurance when asked to do so. After what seems an interminable time, the officer again walks towards your car, but you notice that another squad car has rolled up behind the first.

Instead of handing you back your papers and issuing either a ticket or a warning, the officer tells you to exit your vehicle. This is not supposed to happen. Now you're worried. Your heart rate and blood pressure go up instinctually, and your breathing becomes rapid and shallow. You climb out of your car and stand up straight, and naturally you are nervous and tense.

Without warning, the cop lunges forward, forcefully spins you around, and pins you to the hood of your car. Your hands are roughly handcuffed behind your back and you are told to sit down on the curb. Now two more policemen are pacing about the scene while the original officer searches your car.

After quite some time, although you have no accurate reference point considering the circumstances you are in, the "arresting" officer informs you that a warrant has been issued by a duly appointed judge, authorizing the police to conduct a full body cavity search based on "suspicion" that you are harboring drugs upon your person.

You are placed in the back of a cruiser and taken to a medical facility. When faced by the police, the doctor in charge refuses to admit you due to "ethical concerns." You are placed back in the cruiser while several officers stand outside talking on their cell phones. You are then transported to another medical facility in a different county, where the intake staff reluctantly agrees to admit you.

Over the course of the next fourteen hours you are x-rayed with no visible signs of concealed narcotics, you are subjected to repeated anal probes, you are given not one but three enemas and forced to defecate in front of medical personnel and uniformed police and then probed again, all without the slightest sign of hidden contraband. Then you are given a sedative and prepped for surgery and summarily forced to undergo a complete colonoscopy where a scope with a camera is inserted into your anus, rectum, colon, and large intestines. No narcotics are found.

When you are finally released, you are subsequently presented with a bill demanding immediate payment in full for the procedures you were forced to undergo without your consent and constant objections. Failure to pay will result in your account being turned over to collections where you will be further harassed and have your credit rating ruined.

Nice huh? Well this is exactly what happened to David Eckert in Deming, New Mexico on January 2nd, 2013.

Eckert filed suit in August against the City of Deming, Deming Police Officers Bobby Orosco, Robert Chavez, and Officer Hernandez (no first name available), Hidalgo County, Hidalgo County Deputies David Arredondo, Robert Rodriguez and Patrick Green, Deputy District Attorney Daniel Dougherty and the Gila Regional Medical Center including Robert Wilcox, M.D and Okay Odocha, M.D.

The case has rightfully drawn national attention as specifics of the incident and the lawsuit were recently made public.

Eckert's attorney, Shannon Kennedy, said that after law enforcement asked him to step out of the vehicle, he appeared to be clenching his buttocks. The officer claims to have noticed Eckert's "posture to be erect" and that "he kept his legs together." Law enforcement thought that was probable cause to suspect that Eckert was hiding narcotics in his anal cavity.

Attorneys representing the defendants in the lawsuit all declined to comment on the situation. The attorneys said it's their personal policy to not comment on pending litigation. But when asked by KOB New Mexico Investigative Reporter Chris Ramirez, "As the police chief what reassurances could you give people when they come through your town that they won't be violated or abused by your police officers?" Deming Chief of Police Brandon Gigante responded, "We follow the law in every aspect and we follow policies and protocols that we have in place.”

"If the officers in Hidalgo County and the City of Deming are seeking warrants for anal cavity searches based on how they're standing and the warrant allows doctors at the Gila Hospital of Horrors to go in and do enemas and colonoscopies without consent, then anyone can be seized and that's why the public needs to know about this," Kennedy said.

According to Kennedy, not only was the issued search warrant overly broad and lacking in probable cause, but it was also only valid in Luna County, where Deming is located and Eckert was arrested. After the first hospital refused to perform the anal search, police took Eckert to Gila, which is located in a separate county altogether. If that is the case, then doctors performed all eight of the previously mentioned procedures illegally and without the consent of the patient.

To make matters worse, the search warrant expired at 10 p.m. while doctors didn’t even begin prepping Eckert for the colonoscopy until 1 a.m. the next morning, when the warrant had been expired for hours.

“The thought that they could do this to a man in our country is terrifying,” said Kennedy. “Our community should be outraged ... This is like something out of a science fiction film, anal probing by government officials and public employees.”

These police officers, the doctors, and the judge who signed off on the warrant should all be facing criminal charges of sexual battery, assault, and false imprisonment. They need to serve time in Federal prison for willfully violating this man’s rights and his body.

"The colonoscopy targeted an area of [the plaintiff] which is highly personal and private," the suit said. "The colonoscopy was extremely invasive and a total intrusion of personal privacy, especially as it physically penetrated his body."

Ya think?




[It should be noted that assertions have been made by law enforcement and their supporters, that David Eckert has prior Felony arrests or convictions for possession of controlled substances with intent to sell, as justification for their actions.

However, Eckert was not detained on January 2nd for commission of a violent crime, probable cause, or an outstanding warrant. He was stopped for a routine traffic violation. What happened next was police payback, pure and simple.

A colonoscopy is defined as a surgical procedure with a proscribed regimen of diet and prescription laxatives for several days before arriving at the hospital. What was done to Mr. Eckert, while in police custody, violated every Constitutional protection against illegal search and seizure, cruel and unusual punishment, as well as the fundamental principle of the Hippocratic (not hypocritic) Oath, to "never do harm to anyone."

The State, via its armed authorities, and others under its dominion, was sending a message, and it would behoove us to listen well.]

The Only Man Ever To Enter Parliament With Honest Intentions

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!

"A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy." Guy Fawkes

Remember, remember, the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot;
I see of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,
'Twas his intent.
To blow up the King and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below.
Poor old England to overthrow.

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Guy_Fawkes

After appearing in Internet forums, the mask became a well-known symbol for the online hacktivist group Anonymous, the Occupy movement, and other anti-government and anti-establishment protests around the world.

"But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace soubriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona. Voila! In view humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the “vox populi” now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin, van guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.

The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.

Verily this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACUpr5GvVsE



The Energy of Thought

What is your body made of?

Nine systems comprise the human body including the Circulatory, Digestive, Endocrine, Muscular, Nervous, Reproductive, Respiratory, Skeletal, and Urinary.

What are those made up of?
Tissues and organs.

What are tissues and organs made of?
Cells.

What are cells made of?
Molecules.

What are molecules made of?
Atoms.

What are atoms made of?
Sub-atomic particles.

What are subatomic particles made of?
Energy!

You and I are pure energy-light in its most beautiful and intelligent configuration. Energy that is constantly changing beneath the surface and you control it all with your powerful mind.


By John Assaraf

http://www.themindunleashed.org/



Monday, November 4, 2013

Upon A Mountainside

Talk about a blast from the past. I was going through some OLD papers, and I ran across this "story" written by me and my old partner in crime, Bob O'Connell. This had to be written around 1973 and we were fourteen or fifteen years old, terrorizing the streets of Chicago. Fueled by Uriah Heep, blacklight posters, fat joints of Mexican pot rolled in wheat papers, J.R.R. Tolkien, and torrents of adolescent hormones, this still showed promise.

Despite overwhelming temptation, I have not changed one word. The adjectives, grammar, punctuation and format are exactly as we wrote them over 40 years ago. To my extreme satisfaction, Bob and I are still good friends, touching base frequently on Facebook. Back in the day, we used this piece to impress the girls that we would pick up at Ford City shopping mall, outside the Orange Julius shop, and take back to my house for make out sessions. Bob always seemed to get farther around the bases than I did. And for some reason, that still seems to hold true today.

So here it is for what it is. And if any of you ladies out there are duly impressed, please feel free to send me or Bob a message.

Upon A Mountainside

By Stephen J. Dunn and Robert O'Connell

I sat upon a mountainside
On a morning of black ages long forgotten,
And pondered of the coming war.
The dark forest beneath our city
Menacingly cast its terrible shadows toward the realm of the fire master, Thorgon.
The ominous threat was unavoidable.
I sat upon a mountainside and pondered of our fate.
We, the last of a great race of mighty warriors,
Wondered of the destiny which beset Thorgon
In his Tower of Light.
Thorgon, the one who held the only thread of hope
Against the coming darkness,
Sat alone, meditating those dark times.
The realm of Thorgon, like a grain of sand in a vast desert
Held the only answer of triumph over the multitude
Of evil servants of the Dark Lord
Who sought control over the entire world.
Fire! An uncontrollable raging mass of pure flame and fury
To which none could withstand.
This was the Golendrir - the great force of goodness
Over the powers of darkness.
A very few hours later, the dark army prepared for battle.
Soon after they began their horrible march, all fled from before them,
They were reeking of evil and hatred, malice and destruction.
The chaos of the black sea swept around the Tower of Light,
The Tower of Goodness and Peace.
Dark clouds hung overhead.
The mighty war began.
The numbers of the dark army were far beyond our resistance.
We were falling, all hope was quickly slipping from our grasp.
All looked lost. The outcome of the war lay now with Thorgon -
Ruler of the Golendrir.
Suddenly, a huge mass of tremendous sheer white flame rose
From far under the mountain -
The Mountain of Palgadron, the Mountain of Flame,
The Mountain of the land of Lorhandell, the Mountain of Thorgon,
Lord of the Golendrir.
The masses of the dark army burned under the terror of the coming death.
Death, the final and absolute misery, spread throughout the Enemy's host.
At last good reigned again over all the lands.
Peace filled every heart.
All this I saw long ago upon a mountainside,
And my heart was full of joy and I was at peace with the world
Now that I knew of the light that shone everywhere,
And a tear of gladness rolled down my cheek
Upon a mountainside, long, long ago.



Friday, November 1, 2013

What I Want On My Headstone . . .



The Icehouse

by Stephen Dunn

The moment I stepped inside, I sensed something strange about the Icehouse. It seemed to speak of things beyond. It was almost religious, but in a way, it felt like coming home.

For many reasons, I was done with college. I was just fed up with school. I was nineteen years old and a world of adventure beckoned. One day in late summer of 1978, as the fall semester of my senior year approached, a buddy of mine and I watched a woman in a ragged dress, her head held high, and a gaggle of children, being escorted by Mexican troops from an old Spanish mission.

As the 1960 movie, "The Alamo," starring John Wayne, ended, I turned to my buddy and said, "Let's go."

"Let's go where?" asked my buddy.

"The Alamo. San Antonio. Texas. Let's go see it."

"Are you nuts?" he said.

"No. Screw it. Let's go," I replied.

So with few possessions and even less money, we left Illinois in a rusty Datsun stick shift station wagon and headed south of the Mason-Dixon line. My buddy had an older sister who lived in a suburb of San Antonio with her family, and we showed up on her doorstep looking for a place to stay. She wasn't happy to see us, and her and her husband, an Air Force Lieutenant Colonel, tried to convince us into going back. When this didn't work, they tried talking us into enlisting in the Army.

The fact that we were long-haired, pot smoking, rock and rollers, who just dropped out of college because of all the rules and regulations, didn't seem to inflect their argument.

The next day we got up and went through the classifieds in the San Antonio Star and saw a help-wanted ad that looked interesting. With no resume, no references, and no job history, we applied for the positions, and were immediately hired.

Since we had the rest of the day free, we decided to do what we came for. I had assumed that the Alamo would be out in the middle of Texas hill country, a dusty, lonely relic, steeped in sorrow. But the quaint park that surrounds the Alamo sat in the middle of downtown San Antonio. We toured the beautifully landscaped grounds and the remains of the wood and adobe structures that made up the mission settlement.

The Alamo Museum was just across the street from the park, and was next door to the downtown Woolworth's. A theater presentation told the story of the famous battle that included such notables as Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett. But before the assault began, Presidente Generalissimo de Santa Ana offered safe passage to anyone who wanted to leave. Only one man took advantage of this offer, Moses Rose. You won't find his name in any history book. Every remaining defender, to a man, was killed.

The next day we reported for work as night managers for Lone Star Ice & Foods. Lone Star is the oldest convenience store chain in America, and my store was one of the original buildings, with a cement floor that sloped down to a drain in the center. With age the concrete had taken on a warm, yellow patina. Plumbing pipes, electrical conduits, and metal beams ran across the ceiling. Long, florescent light fixtures hung by thin tubes. The one pump out front sold leaded and unleaded regular only.

Before refrigeration, icehouses stored and distributed block ice for the neighborhood iceboxes. The icehouses were a vital part of everyday local life, a cornerstone of every neighborhood in San Antonio. Over time, they diversified into iced beer, prepared food, and basic groceries. The icehouses still sold ice, but mostly they sold cigarettes and cold soda water. They were a cool spot where neighbors and families came to talk and hang out. No two were alike. They were decorated with colorful tin and porcelain advertising signs for Grape Nehi, Lone Star longnecks, and Chesterfield Kings.

My first day on the job, I was met by a tall man with bushy salt and pepper hair, a bulbous, mottled nose, bright, blue eyes, a handlebar mustache that matched his hair, and a bit of a paunch. Before I could say a word, he reared back, grabbed my right hand in a firm shake and said, "I drink Lone Star, I work for Lone Star, I was born and bred in the Lone Star state. Schuler's my name and Lone Star's my game."

Yes! It was Big Bill Schuler, the hard-riding, hard-drinking, innovating (often imitated but never imitating) Training Director of the Lone Star outfit.

"I'm forty-eight years young and I can outlast any man half my age in the gym, in the bar, or in the old sack-er-roo," he said. "I'm hip, I'm cool, I'm groovy, I'm boss. I deal in retail and never in cost. A cent of inventory I've never lost. And while on the job, I lay off the sauce."

He then instructed me on the proper handling of an ostrich feather duster.

After two weeks of intensive training, indoctrination, and enculturation, I was handed a set of keys. Along with the keys came the customers.

One of my regulars, the Big Red Pragmatist, approached the counter with a cold bottle of Big Red. "I have some bad news," I said. "The price has gone up a nickel."

Popping the cap on the Frosty root beer bottle-opener attached to the front of the counter, he said, "Gawd dang libral dem-O-crats! Between inflation and taxes (which he made sound like Texas) this country's goin to hell in a handbasket."

"Yes," I said. "But you pay for the convenience."

He waved his hand and took a long pull on the sparkling red, bubblegum flavored cream soda. "Ah s'pose. Ya wanna dance, ya gotta pay the piper."

A short while later the Toothless Virgin trudged in. "Hello my love. You look stunning?" I said. "Bless your heart," she replied batting her lashes at me.

This was our regular routine. I knew she was there for a dollar's worth of Chinese dried plums. The distinctive sweet, sour, bitter, tangy and salty shriveled beige nuggets were definitely an acquired taste. I knew she was toothless from the provocative smiles she gave me, and that she was a virgin because she never missed an opportunity to tell me so. She would place her fingertips on my arm and say, "I've never had a man, but if you play your cards right, you could be the first!" She was also eighty-nine years old, I should add.

I sacked up her candy, and she blew me a kiss as she made her way out the door. I wondered just for a minute what it would be like, then shook my head and went to face the shelves.

I had just finished eating a microwave burrito for dinner, when Captain Thunderbird strolled in, unbuttoned flannel shirt flapping about him. He rummaged around on a lower shelf at the back of the store and came forward carrying a gallon jug of Thunderbird wine in each hand. Although it is called "The American Classic," this treacly chemical concoction was introduced by Ernest and Julio Gallo after the end of prohibition, and marketed to low income drinkers in American ghettos. And despite its yellow color, it also has the unfortunate side effect (other than dissolving  your liver) of turning your lips and tongue black.

"Well, well, well," he said. "I finally got my car runnin'. I sized the rings, sparked the plugs, shifted the gears, blew the gaskets, exhausted the manifolds, distributed the cap, alternated the battery, muffled the crankshaft, balled the bearings, and smoked the universal joint."

Not being a car guy, at least I think that's what he said.

"Did ya catch the big game this afternoon?" he went on. "Obijibwaybwekechanticlear Jones intercepted the pigpen and ran it back from the sixty-nine for pickup sticks. The ref blew him dead at the line of scrimshaw and there was extravehicular activity. Then Walter Platoon said a Hail Mary on the two with 4:20 left in the periodical. Orange Panda kicked a long feel good to win the game, and the players patted each others buttocks. It's a game of itches."

Not being a sports guy, at least I think that's what he said.

I rang up his purchase. "That comes to $19.75. From $20, you get a quarter back."

As the evening wore on, and customer traffic slowed, I began to restock the snuff display behind the counter with Copenhagen, Skoal, and Longhorn Fine Cut Wintergreen. The door bell chimed and I glanced around to see the Safari Guide standing behind me.

He had a round, good-natured, but deeply creased face, hazel eyes offset by thick horn rimmed glasses, pith helmet, bush jacket, and a cobra-skin belt cinching up khakis tucked into black field boots. For all intents and purposes, he was pretty much deaf and blind.

He placed three dollar bills on the counter and said, "$3.00 regular if you please, my good man."

I set the self-serve gas pump outside the Icehouse and the Safari Guide climbed into his jeep and drove away. Without the gas! By the time I realized that he was leaving without the gas, it was too late to stop him. I knew that he lived only a few blocks away, so I put up my back in ten minutes sign, locked the Icehouse door, and walked quickly to the Safari Guide's ranch house.

I knocked on the door and after a bit, the Safari Guide, with his round, good-natured, but deeply creased face, hazel eyes offset by thick horn rimmed glasses, pith helmet, bush jacket, and a cobra-skin belt cinching up khakis tucked into black field boots, answered the door. For all intents and purposes, he was pretty much deaf and blind.

"I need the keys to your jeep," I said.

"You need to go to sleep?" said the Safari Guide.

"No, I need the keys to your jeep," I said.

"There's no need to weep?" he said.

I knew this could go on forever, but I had a store to run, and I finally made him understand what I wanted. I drove the jeep back to the shop, put in the gas, drove the jeep back, and walked back to the Icehouse.

I unlocked the door, removed the sign, and sat behind the register casually paging through a copy of Juggs magazine. Although I heard no sound, something made me glance up from an article I was reading, and there standing before the register was a man - a five-foot, five-inch, one-hundred-and-twenty-pound, ageless, black man, whose white Afro was windblown into two pointed tufts. He was small but wiry. He wore no shirt, but he was covered in a pair of bib overalls splotched with what looked like dried red paint. His fingernails shone as if he had just had a high buff manicure.

I had never seen the man before and could not fathom where he had come from. Seeing my confusion, he smiled at me, and lo, he had golden teeth! Not a couple of fillings, not a front cap or two. His teeth, all thirty-two of them, were solid gold.

The black man said, "That was a very good deed you did. Most people would have pocketed the three bucks and shrugged it off. You will be rewarded. Yoo nebuh know who be watchin'."

The black man smiled his twenty-four carat smile, put some change on the counter, and walked out of the store with one 16 oz. can of Schlitz.

Although I did not comprehend why, the black man seemed to belong to the Icehouse, as if he had been a customer from the beginning, and would be a customer to the end.

I looked down at the coins. The can of beer sold for sixty-six cents including tax. The change on the counter was exact.