The Throne Room

I woke up this morning and decided to do a little math.

I watched 60 Minutes last Sunday, and they did a segment on the "Billionaire's Club," where members pledge to donate at least half of their enormous wealth to charity. This philanthropic work is headed by Warren Buffett, and Bill and Melinda Gates.

Even if we ignore the fact that Bill Gates has an estimated net worth of $40 billion dollars, and that even giving away half, still leaves him with a cool $20 bil in pocket money, that is noblesse oblige at its finest. (In all fairness, Gates is donating more than 50% of his fortune, as is Buffett.)

But exactly how rich are these people? There are lots of comparisons between the one-percenters, and the rest of us, but I wanted to put it in terms that hit a little closer to home. At least for me.

So just for sh*ts and giggles, I looked up how much Warren Buffett makes per year. Buffett's 2015 net income was $12.7 billion. I divided that by 365 to come up with the amount Buffett earns per day which came out to  approximately $35,000,000. I divided that by 1440, the number of minutes in a day, to come up with the figure of $24,305 for how much he earns per minute.

I then looked up the average amount of time a person in the U.S. spends on the toilet per bowel movement. According to the National Association of Plumbing Fixtures Manufacturers, the answer is 10 to 20 minutes.

So I averaged that to 15 minutes and multiplied that by $24,305 to arrive at $364,575, assuming Buffett is average in his daily habits.

I next learned that the U.S. median income at the last census was just under $49,000 per year.

So, in other words, Warren Buffett makes more money taking a dump than the average wage earner makes in 7 and a half years.

Enjoy work today. (smile emoticon)

P.S.A. (Public Service Announcement)

The scene opens with a couple in their 50s in a nondescript suburban livingroom watching TV. The woman is seated on a Queen Anne sofa and the man is reclining in a La-Z-Boy. The images that flicker just out of focus on the television give the impression of a police procedural. The table lamp is on, it is evening. Because the scene is being shot in black & white, everything is grayscale. A deep, male voiceover says:

THIS COULD HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE . . . .

Loud sounds come from outside the house. The room begins to shake. Plasterdust drifts down from the ceiling. But this is not an earthquake, the sounds from outside are mechanical, heavy trucks moving. The faces of the couple show terror. But just for a moment theirs eyes meet and some acknowledgment of what's happening passes between them. As the camera pans after them, the couple flee through a door at the back of the room and down a flight of stairs.

We are now in the unfinished basement. A hanging lightbulb swings, casting shadows that arc back and forth. The couple huddle together in the center of the cement floor. The sounds of giant equipment grow louder. The cinderblock walls shudder. Bright lights flood through the glassblock windowwells. A horrible drilling noise begins, accompanied by the screeching of hardened steel tearing aluminum, brick, and wood. The camera zooms in on two large bolts boring into either end of the front wall of the basement where frame meets foundation. The drilling stops. The two-inch diameter bolts protruding through the wall are surrounded by splinters.

The scene shifts. We are now outside. The camera is high up on a boom so we get a full panoramic overview. It is nighttime, but tall floodlights have been set up and illuminate the area. It is a construction site. The yard is torn up, the houses all around, demolished. Amid all the earthmoving machines, the camera pans in on two bulldozers. Steelmesh cables run from hitches on the rear of the caterpillars, and are clamped to the eyehooks of the bolts sunk into the house.

A huge crane is positioned behind the house and the cables are looped through a pulley at the end of the swing arm. The bulldozers move, tank treads bite into the ground. The front of the house lifts off the foundation and the structure is inexorably tilted backward. The walls begin to crumple. Hinged on the rear wall, lifted from the base of the front wall, the building topples onto its back in ruin. Huge metal jaws suspended from derricks rip up chunks of the house and drop them into a mammoth Dumpster.

The boom camera pans over the exposed basement. Sparks from sheared electrical wiring sputter, and water spouts from ruptured pipes. The couple are sprawled on the concrete floor. The camera moves in as a man in a white hazmat suit wearing a hardhat steps up to the edge of the foundation. A set of fifteen-foot-long pincers is attached round his waist with a wide strap. The man reaches down with the pincers and grabs the woman, who is squirming like a worm. He lifts her out of the basement, leans back and swinging over, drops her in the Dumpster. He repeats this with the man who beats at the pincers in frustration. The camera zooms out, and the deep, male voiceover says:

 SUPPORT AFFORDABLE HOUSING.

The Greatest of These Is Love

Today was all about love.

My wife and I attended our local church this morning, and the sanctuary never looked lovelier. The sun illuminated the stained glass, lilies surrounded the altar, and the small congregation came forward to decorate a living cross with sprays, flowers, and fronds. Of course, we were made very welcome. It's a non-denominational church, and they know I'm Jewish and my wife is Catholic, but they love having us there. They make a big fuss over us. Go figure. Pastor Chuck delivered a gentle message of doing good and serving others.

We spent the afternoon with the family and grandkiddies. Also celebrating with us was a friend of my son and daughter-in-law, who I've watched blossom from a high school girl into a beautiful young woman. She was there with her fiance. When she introduced us I reached up from my wheelchair, warmly shook his hand, and said, "Congratulations. It's a pleasure to meet you. I don't have to tell you what a great gal you're getting, but I do have to tell you I will personally kick your butt if you do her wrong." My contention was backed up unanimously.

Another young woman was there with her newborn daughter. I first met her several years ago at my son and daughter-in-law's wedding, which was held at our house. She made a point to sit with us later in the evening to tell us how beautiful our home was. My daughter-in-law's grandmother, parents, and siblings were also in attendance. How wonderful to have so many generations representing the cycle of life on this day of rebirth and renewal.

Before my sons had even wrestled me into the house, I was face to face with my four-year-old grandson. I looked at his fine, blond hair and delicate features, and he looked back at me with his sparkling ice-blue eyes, saying, "Grandpa, grandpa, grandpa."

I gave a general wave and "Happy Easter" to the crowd, and then I was at the folding table, playing with my grandson for the rest of the afternoon, even through coffee, dinner, and dessert.

Things were winding down. My grandson had worn me out, and I was starting to feel punkish. I leaned back to rest and my grandson quietly began to play by himself. My one-year-old grandson hadn't been paying much attention to me, and I believe in letting kids approach me in their own time. He climbed up in the chair vacated by his older brother and picked up one of the toys on the table, but I didn't think anything of it.

I told my wife I was ready to head home. I was giving the four-year-old a big hug goodbye, when all of a sudden, my younger grandson started shrieking.

Everyone thought he hurt himself on a toy or something, but we quickly figured out he was crying because he had waited so patiently for his turn to play with grandpa, and I was leaving. When we realized this, it broke my heart. I took him in my arms and held him. After a few moments, he calmed down and snuggled his head against my chest, and melted my heart.

Today was all about love.

As I was falling asleep last night, I was thinking about how much pain I was in, but how much love I have in my life. Then I thought about whose day it was, and what He taught us about pain and love.

Without Further Eloquence

Okay, I'm working on a piece called "Flash in the Pan." I have two possible openings. I need feedback on which one you like better.

Opening # 1.

The man stood at five-foot-seven, about average height, although stooped in a river it was hard to tell. Rubber waders covered his corduroy trousers to the knee. An embroidered linsey-woolsey shirt, a departing gift from his wife, kept him warm and cool by measures. A sweat-stained floppy hat with a wide brim protected him from the relentless sun. Water slowly swirled around the lip of a pan, washing away the silt and sand, hoping to hit pay dirt.

The man put in a hard day, and later that night he ate good. He tossed an extra slice of salt pork in with his beans, and sopped up the gravy with flour and water biscuits. He sat in front of the small campfire with his hands wrapped around a tin cup of coffee. He looked at the small shack which was the only thing separating him from the unforgiving elements, and thought of the farm and family he left behind, mortgaged to the hilt, while he pursued this crazy dream of achieving wealth beyond imagination.

He scratched under his whiskers, at thirty-seven years of age, already turning gray. Why had he traveled two-thousand miles, to endure this backbreaking labor and loneliness? Sure, he made his way to the mining camp on Saturday nights, where a few hours of gambling and cheap whisky soon parted him from his meager earnings, but he refused to forsake his vows for one of the broken women who serviced the camps.

He'd lost a friend attempting to cross a rain-swollen river, and his own brother, who'd followed him out here on this pipe dream, died of the bloody flux.

Yet, day after day he toiled, and day after day his heart skipped a beat when he caught the tantalizing glint that drove Midas mad, only for it to be "a flash in the pan."

And still we can go further back... 

It's a pitched running battle. The redcoats are everywhere. You seek shelter in the woods, ford streams. You're pinned down in an open meadow. You turn and sight along the barrel of your trusty flintlock rifle. The back of your neck tingles, and you are instantly aware that your opponent has drawn a bead on you.

It's you or him. The rest of the world fades away. The vision of your mom and dad, your little sister, and your girl, Sally Sue's angelic face framed by golden locks, appears before your eyes. You sense your adversary's cool, even pressure on the trigger. You do the same.

You see the spark and flame of your weapon. But alas, nothing happens. Your former countryman still stands. You see the puff and flash of his musket. Something's wrong. You're on the ground looking at the sky. How could you have missed? As your life ebbs away it all becomes clear.

The main charge of the flintlock firearm that projects the shot or ball out of the barrel is fired by a smaller charge of gunpowder in the priming pan. If the fire from the smaller charge does not pass through the touch-hole and ignite the main charge, the gun will not shoot. The resultant noise, smoke, and flame is called "a flash in the pan."

Wikipedia uses the term "coruscation" to describe this effect. Coruscation is a well-chosen word because it has the double meaning of a gleam or flash of light, as well as a sudden or striking display of brilliance or wit.

The term has come to refer to any ineffectual, short, spasmodic effort which dies in the attempt, as in, "He was named best new writer of 2016, but his career was a flash in the pan."

or... Opening # 2.

The phrase, "flash in the pan," according to Wikipedia, comes from the days of flintlock firearms. The main charge that projected the shot or ball out of the barrel was fired by a smaller charge of gunpowder in the priming pan. If the fire from the smaller charge did not pass through the touch-hole and ignite the main charge, "the momentary coruscation produced noise and smoke, but no substantial effect, and was termed a 'flash in the pan.'”

The well-chosen word “coruscation” means a gleam or flash of light, as well as a sudden or striking display of brilliance or wit.

The term has come to refer to any ineffectual, short, spasmodic effort which dies in the attempt, as in, "He was named best new writer of 2016, but his career was a flash in the pan."

Syllable, Syllabus, Syllabub...Bub

I had an English teacher who told us when writing we should not use words with five syllables because readers won't understand. She said, "So I want you to stop using five-syllable words immediately."

im·me·di·ate·ly

Happy Birthday... Honey

Today is my beautiful, wonderful wife Shellie Dunn's 16th birthday.

I wanted to do something special, and Pintrest has so many great ideas for sweet sixteen parties. I showed her some of the pictures I found, and she said, "There's one flaw in your plan."

"What's that?" I asked.

She said, "You got the numbers backward. I'm not 16, I'm 61."

Coulda fooled me. Anyway, happy birthday to my forever sweet sixteen girl.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jD8siCNo7b4

Rebirth - The Story of Passover and Easter

I believe in miracles. Life is a miracle. The existence of the universe is a miracle. The indomitable spirit of the human soul is a miracle. And the fact that science can provide empirical explanations for these miracles, in no way lessens their impact or significance.

To me, Easter and Passover have always been inextricably linked. The heart of the Christian religion is the Resurrection of Christ, and the heart of the Jewish religion is the Exodus from Egypt. It is no coincidence that both holidays are celebrated in the springtime because both stories speak of rebirth - the rebirth of the spirit, the mind, and the body. The two holidays embody the cornerstones of Western Civilization - faith and freedom.

These stories of redemption were born out of horrendous brutality. The Judea that Jesus knew was a land subjugated by the will of Rome. Torture and executions were commonplace and corrupt officials used networks of informers and betrayers to ruthlessly crush rebellion, which fomented continually. Poverty and disease were rampant, and the people looked for a Deliverer.

A thousand years before the tyranny of Rome, the Hebrew people toiled for generations as slaves under the whips of taskmasters in a place where human life was worth less than the mud of the brick pits. Amidst the starvation and crippling labor, the people looked for the God of Abraham to lead them out of bondage.

Surely in this day and age, it is common knowledge that Jesus went up to Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover, and that the Last Supper was in fact the Passover Seder. Even the symbolism of the two holidays is intertwined. The very name of the Easter holiday in many foreign countries is derived from the word Passover. The word Passover in Hebrew is Pesach. In France, Easter is called Pacques, in Italy Pasqua, in Spain Pascua, in Denmark Paaske, and in Wales Pasg.

The Eucharist received at Mass is taken from the unleavened bread that Jesus bade the Disciples to eat, and which we know today as Matzah. The roasted lamb shank which appears on the Seder plate recalls the roasted lamb which God instructed the Hebrews to eat on the eve of their departure from Egypt. Jesus, often referred to as the Lamb of God, sacrificed Himself for us, and lamb remains a traditional centerpiece for Easter dinner. The Seder plate also contains a roasted egg which symbolizes the animal sacrifice that was brought to the Temple in Jerusalem before each Passover. The egg, a symbol of life in all cultures, is the primary Easter icon.

Even the custom of hunting for Easter eggs finds its basis in the rituals of Passover. The most important preparation for Passover is cleansing the home of chometz. Chometz is any food not kosher for Passover, particularly any food made with flour such as bread, cookies, noodles, crackers, etc. Even after all these food products are removed from the home, the ritual involves a final symbolic cleansing. On Passover eve, pieces of chometz are hidden around the house. Some of my fondest memories from childhood are of searching the house by candlelight with my brother and sisters, looking for these hidden slices of bread, cookies, and crackers. My mother knew exactly how many pieces of chometz she had hidden, and would tell us if there were still more to find. Often to her amazement, we would find more than she had hidden, but with five young children in the house, perhaps this was not to be wondered at.

Then my father would put all the accumulated chometz into a brown paper bag and we would all go out onto the driveway. My father would then light the bag on fire and burn the chometz. The neighbors would come out to watch, and kids from all over the block would gather to participate. My father would recite the blessing in Hebrew and we knew that Passover had arrived. This is the blessing translated:

"Blessed art Thou, Eternal our God, Ruler of the universe, Who made us holy with His commandments, and commanded us to remove the leaven. Any leaven that may still be in the house, which I have not seen or have not removed, shall be as if it does not exist, and as the dust of the earth."

One of the mitzvahs (sacred blessings) of Passover is to include "gentile" guests at the Seder. Especially during my college years, I always had friends at the Seder table. The amount of fun, laughter, (and wine) which we had cannot be calculated, but the companionship that we shared, lasts to this day. This mitzvah extends to non-Jewish guests and to those, Jewish or non-Jewish, who are in need. Charity goes to the heart of devotion. How can we indulge ourselves in the love and abundance of the holidays without our thoughts turning to those who have less, or nothing at all, spiritually or materially?

Besides giving financially to the synagogue and the church, I can't remember a Passover or Easter when my parents and my wife's parents did not have at the table, people of other faiths, or people with less means, to share in the celebration. Far be it from me to preach, in this day and age of downsizing, layoffs, unemployment and living from paycheck to paycheck. Charity begins at home, and we must always think of our own first. All I am saying is do what you feel you can. Contribute of yourself, whether that be of time, money, foodstuffs, or talents. The efforts will not be in vain.

I have the blessing of living in a blended family. As is obvious by now, I am Jewish and my wife is Catholic. While each of us cherishes our heritage and upbringing, and firmly believes in a Supreme Being, neither of us blindly adhere to the dogma of our religions. We feel that our children receive the benefit of being raised in an atmosphere of love and morality and tolerance and acceptance of others, and that they receive the opportunity to experience the traditions of both faiths. Attending church on Easter morning has always been a deeply profound and thought-provoking experience for me, and basking in the joy and warmth of the Seder has always been a very reaffirming time for my wife. What lessons and memories our boys bring with them into their adult lives, only time will tell.

Easter finds its roots in the ancient pagan festival honoring Eastre, the goddess of spring and the dawn. Easter has come to symbolize the triumph of life over death and the affirmation that the soul is immortal. Easter is a holiday of pastel colors in purples and pinks and blues. It is a time to throw open the windows and air out the house after a long winter. Friends and relatives display the latest spring fashions. Children take delight in biting off the ears and tails of chocolate bunnies. Eggs become brightly colored treasures to hunt and roll in the first light of morning.

One of my wife's most cherished Easter memories from her youth was the annual blessing of the family's holiday food basket. On Holy Saturday, her entire family would go to their local Polish church and stand in a line that stretched around the block to have their Easter meal blessed by the Priest and sprinkled with Holy Water. The basket always contained black bread, eggs colored brown by wrapping and boiling in onionskins, ham, fresh smoked Polish sausage, parsley, horseradish root, vinegar, course salt, and lamb butter. For dessert, her mother would make a luscious frosted pound cake in an antique lamb mold that was only brought out once a year. She would sprinkle the iced cake with shredded coconut to create a "wool" effect and use a Redhot cinnamon heart for the nose and raisins for the eyes. Fortunately I was able to enjoy many Easter dinners with my wife's family before her folks moved to Florida.

I have to admit that we don't decorate for Easter and Passover anywhere near as much as many of the other holidays. Easter and Passover are deeply spiritual times, times for introspection and not gaudy display. Although we attend the Seder at my sister's home with the family (all 30 of us!) and enjoy Passover foods and recipes during the week of Passover, we do not keep Passover ourselves. Decorations for Passover center around the table: Seder plates, Matzah covers, linens, wine goblets, serving ware and Haggadahs (the Seder prayer books) which come in many beautifully illustrated editions.

Traditional Easter decorations include baskets, flowers, ceramic rabbits and chicks, and of course, eggs. If you have young children, there is no greater joy than watching their delight in coloring eggs. The fun that can be had with food dye is limitless, as are the color possibilities. With some simple supervision (so that everything doesn't come out muddy brown) the kids can create different shades to their hearts content. If your children are a little older and consider themselves much too mature to decorate eggs, try arranging a basket with a combination of white and brown eggs that you can buy at the store. This makes a very elegant and natural arrangement with no trouble at all. Also, baskets in and of themselves make lovely decorations placed around the home. Grocers and candy shops have aisles of brightly wrapped confections for Easter. Fill a basket or depression glass bowl with these whimsical chocolate morsels or jelly beans.

As with all the holidays, we maintain that if you do no other decorating, a holiday theme can be achieved by decorating the holiday table. Place a lamb butter on a ceramic leaf plate and decorate with sprigs of fresh mint. Use colorful pastel table linens and dishes, and serve foods in napkin-lined baskets. Place an arrangement of fresh tulips on the table. Or perhaps try this easy craft project. Go to your local craft store and buy a five-inch diameter basket, enough modeling clay to fill it, a small package of sphagnum moss, 8 silk pussy willow wands and a package of ornament hooks. Choose a variety of miniature baskets and other tiny decorations. Secure willow wands in clay in basket, surround with moss, and hang decorations from the buds with hooks.

Another fun project which is appropriate for Passover, Easter, and any other holiday gathering is the making of place cards. If you are computer literate, use any design program with decorative fonts and clipart to produce individualized place cards. If you prefer doing craft projects by hand, art supply stores offer a vast array of materials and advice. Be sure to include the holiday and date, as well as name of guest, on your place card. These will be cherished additions to photo albums and scrapbooks for years to come (so try not to get gravy on them!).

These projects also make wonderful hostess gifts. If you are going to the home of a friend or relative for the holidays, ask them for a list of the names of all the people who will be there. A set of place cards will be a practical and greatly appreciated gift. A good bottle of kosher wine (which now go well beyond the days of Mogen David concord grape) or a bouquet of white lilies would also be welcome offerings. And of course, hand made napkins or placemats would be a gift of immeasurable thoughtfulness. There is an abundance of Passover and Easter patterns readily available at fabric stores and online. A gift given in love is love given as a gift!

In producing this website, one of the things that I most enjoy is talking about the movies associated with the various holidays. It gives me a chance to remember good times shared with family, a bowl of steaming, buttery popcorn on the coffee table. But when one thinks about holidays and movies, certainly Christmas with its plethora of Yuletide favorites, or Halloween with its endless array of horror films, spring to mind well before Easter and Passover. Yet the 40 days of Lent is barely enough time to watch all the worthwhile pictures appropriate to the season. Consider the following suggestions.

First we start with Cecil B. DeMille's 1956 classic The Ten Commandments. Nominated for 5 Academy Awards and winner for Best Special Effects, Charlton Heston stars as Moses in this lavish telling of the Exodus from Egypt. This was DeMille's last film and was shot on location in Egypt and the Sinai. For 3 hours and 20 minutes you will be transported back to the days of the Egyptian civilization at its zenith. At this time I am going to debunk an urban legend. Edward G. Robinson, in the role of Dathan the Hebrew Overseer, never says "Where's your Moses now?" Sorry folks! Co-starring Yul Brynner, Anne Baxter, Edward G. Robinson, and Vincent Price. Purists may want to look for the English version with hieroglyphic subtitles. Just kidding. There is also a silent 1923 production of The Ten Commandments, directed by DeMille, with all the pageantry and grandeur of the Technicolor remake. The original is still available online.

Heston also stars in 1959's biblical epic Ben-Hur. Directed by William Wyler and based on the novel by Governor Lew Wallace this winner of 11 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Costumes, Best Set Design, Best Sound, Best Score and Best Special Effects also features an army of extras, 50,000 strong. Clocking in at 3 hours and 42 minutes, Ben-Hur tells the story of one man's search for vengeance set against the backdrop of Roman occupation and the mission of Christ in Judea. Again, this movie is a remake. The original 1925 silent with an early Technicolor chariot race sequence is also available online.

1961's King of Kings, directed by Nicholas Ray, and starring Jeffrey Hunter, tells the story of Christ's mission through the contrast between the teachings of Christ and the political agitation of Barrabas. This handsomely filmed, reverential treatment is too a remake. The black and white 1927 silent is available with the original Photophone score and features a rare Technicolor Resurrection sequence. A very cool, early special effects scene depicts Jesus driving the personifications of the seven deadly sins from the body of Mary Magdalene. This version was directed by our old friend, Cecil B. DeMille.

1965 brought us Max Von Sydow as Jesus in The Greatest Story Ever Told, directed by George Stevens. Perhaps the most artistic telling of the story, this film earned five Academy Award nominations for Cinematography, Score, Art Direction, Costumes, and Special Visual Effects. The restrained tale focuses on Jesus' parables and quiet teachings of love and brotherhood. Co-starring Jose Ferrer, Van Heflin, Charlton Heston, Angela Lansbury, Roddy McDowall, Sal Mineo, Donald Pleasance, Claude Rains, Sidney Poitier, Telly Savalas, and John Wayne in a cameo as a Roman Centurion.

For silent film buffs (of which I am one) check out the 1928 version of Jesus of Nazareth shown with title cards.

For fans of miniseries, there is 1976's Jesus of Nazareth directed by Franco Zeffirelli. Starring Robert Powell and an all-star cast, this is the most complete telling of the story of Christ, from the wedding of Mary and Joseph through the Resurrection and Ascension. A little known fact is that British actor Robert Powell does not blink in any of his scenes. Although you may not consciously notice this while watching the film, Zeffirelli felt that this would have a subliminal effect on viewers.

For those of us who grew up in the 70's, there are Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar. Both movies, based on hit Broadway plays, were released on film in 1973 and offered very contemporary interpretations of the life of Christ. Although controversial at the time, we can now enjoy them for their nostalgia and award winning scores.

Godspell, starring Victor Garber, enacts Christ's parables through elaborate production numbers and such songs as Day by Day and Light of the World. A decidedly flower-child interpretation can be enjoyed today for its gentle theme of peace and love.

The rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar, starring Ted Neely and Yvonne Elliman, and directed by Norman Jewison, is told through the eyes of Mary Magdalene and portrays Jesus as a political pawn caught up in a celebrity he did not want. The words and music of Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber propel the story to its inevitable climax.

For the young, and young at heart, there is the animated feature Prince of Egypt, 1998, Dreamworks - Spielberg and company's big budget musical telling of the story of Moses. With the voice talents of Val Kilmer, Patrick Stewart, Sandra Bullock, and Michelle Pfieffer.

My most controversial recommendation is Mel Gibson's controversial 2004 movie The Passion of the Christ. This extremely graphic telling of the final twelve hours in the life of Jesus hammers home (no pun intended) the barbarity that was Judea under Imperial Rome. The dialogue is spoken in the ancient Aramaic language, along with Latin and Hebrew. My wife refuses to watch it, but I have often tried to point out the physical horrors that such an ordeal would have embodied. I view it every year while my wife is at work. We do not discuss it.

And lastly, for a complete change of pace, there is 1948's Easter Parade starring Fred Astaire and Judy Garland. Winner of the Academy Award for Best Score, this movie is an Irving Berlin songfest. So get out your Easter bonnet, eat a chocolate bunny, color a hard-boiled egg, and enjoy the celebration of springtime.

I have many axioms that I use in the kitchen, especially when teaching my boys how to cook. One of the first things I told them is that if you can cook eggs, you'll never starve. There is no food product more essential or more versatile than eggs. With this in mind, I feel that it is quite apropos at Easter and Passover time to offer three different recipes that use eggs as a main ingredient.

Egg Salad

The key to making a good egg salad is simplicity. The day after Easter, peel a dozen of your colored hard-boiled eggs. Use your egg slicer for perfectly chopped eggs. Slice each egg in one direction and then rotate the egg 90 degrees and slice a second time. Add just enough mayonnaise (do not use sandwich spreads such as Miracle Whip) to moisten. Start with about a third of a cup. Another one of my sayings, which the boys know by heart, is you can always add more mayo, but you can't take it out. Add a jar of capers, drained. Season with a pinch of salt and a pinch of white pepper. Stir thoroughly. Sprinkle with sweet Hungarian paprika. Serve on toast.

Matzah Brei (Scrambled Eggs & Matzah)

This hearty breakfast dish has counterparts in most ethnic cuisines. You'll find this dish in Mexican cooking made with tortillas, for example. The basic recipe is one egg per matzah, and one to two matzahs per person, depending on appetites. I can make a box of twelve matzahs and a dozen eggs for my family of four and it is just enough to satisfy our teenage boys.

Take matzahs and break them up into a bowl. I find that a variety of different size pieces (from postage stamps to Post-It notes) works best. After all the matzahs are broken up, fill the bowl with cool water to soak pieces. Soak for a few seconds then drain off all the water. Some people put the matzahs in a sieve and press out all the water, but I do not find this to be necessary as long as you drain thoroughly.

Melt a couple of tablespoons to half a stick of butter, depending on how much you are making in large non-stick frying pan. Fry the matzahs in butter, turning now and then with large spatula. Meanwhile, break eggs into bowl and beat. When edges of matzah pieces start to brown and matzah is sizzling, pour in eggs and stir. Stir as you would for scrambled eggs. Add salt and pepper at the table to taste. Serve with orange juice and coffee.

Why is this night different from all other nights? The Seder, the traditional retelling of the story of the Exodus from Egypt is centered around the table. Many blessings are said: over the fruit of the vine, over the bread of the earth, over the thankfulness of the season, even over the washing of the hands. Bitter herbs are eaten; parsley or potatoes are dipped in salt water to symbolize the tears shed in slavery as well as for the Egyptian foes who perished in the Red Sea.

One of the most beautiful traditions of the Seder is dipping out one drop of wine from a full cup for each of the Ten Plagues visited upon the Egyptian people. A full cup of wine symbolized a full heart, and this gesture serves to remind us of the suffering even of our enemies.

Songs are sung. Questions are asked. Answers are given. (Such as, what cheese do you eat at Passover? Answer: matzah-rella.) And it is here, with song and food and laughter, that the blessings of freedom are bestowed from one generation to the next.

Then the meal is served. There is tender brisket, matzah stuffing, and vegetable dishes such as tsimmes, a casserole made of carrots, sweet potatoes, dates, honey, cinnamon, and orange zest. But to start it all off, deep bowls of matzah ball soup.

Chicken Soup with Matzah Balls and Pupiks

This recipe will serve eight guests with 2 large matzah balls each.

Prepare stock the day ahead. Place 2 cut up fryers or one large capon with neck(s) into large stockpot. For an extra rich stock, you can add 1 lb. of chicken feet (any good butcher should be able to supply these). Add 3 tablespoons fresh chopped parsley and 2 tablespoons each of fresh chopped sage and thyme. Add 4 medium yellow onions chopped in quarters, 4 stalks of celery with leaves, cut into 2 inch sections, 1 lb. parsnips, peeled and cut into 2 inch chunks, and 1 lb of carrots, peeled and cut into 2 inch chunks. Add 4 cloves coarsely chopped garlic. Add 2 tablespoons kosher salt and 1 teaspoon cracked pepper. Fill stockpot with cold water, leaving enough room so that it will not boil over onto your stove. Bring just to a boil, cover, reduce heat and simmer for 2 and a half hours. When water first comes to a boil, skim off brown foam with spoon and discard. Check every few minutes and do this until brown foam stops forming.

Meanwhile, place giblets from chickens, except livers, plus 1 lb. of pupiks (chicken gizzards) in separate pot. Livers will disintegrate in soup and muddy the flavor. (Fry livers separately in a little butter and enjoy as a treat for the cook.) Add 1 teaspoon of salt and a half-teaspoon of cracked pepper. Cover with water and simmer for one and a half hours. Let cool and refrigerate in covered bowl. You will be adding these to the finished soup to be served with the matzah balls.

When stock is ready, remove meat and vegetables (except onions which get slimy) with slotted spoon and set aside. Strain stock, let cool, and refrigerate overnight. Discard onions and chicken feet. By doing this the day ahead, fat will rise to the top and solidify overnight so that it can be easily skimmed and used for the schmaltz (rendered fat) for your matzah balls. This will also leave you with a very rich fat free stock. We always make an evening meal of the cooked chicken and vegetables. Just serve with some crusty bread (the last you'll have for 8 days if you're keeping Passover). Since you'll be feasting the next night at the Seder, this should be enough. Any left over bread can be used in the search for chumutz (see above).

Late in the afternoon of the next day (the day of the Seder) remove stock from the refrigerator and skim schmaltz. You will need ¾ of a cup. If there is not quite enough, add vegetable oil to make up the difference. You will also need about ¾ cup of stock. If stock is jellied, warm ¾ cup in saucepan and let cool. In medium sized mixing bowl, beat twelve eggs with schmaltz. In large mixing bowl blend 3 cups (1 box) matzah meal and 1 to 2 teaspoons of table salt. Pour egg mixture into matzah meal and stir thoroughly with fork. Add just enough stock to make a smooth consistency - you do not want mixture to be wet! Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour. While batter is resting, bring stock in large kettle up to boil. Add 1 lb. of peeled and thinly sliced carrots and 2 bunches of chopped green onions. Return cooked giblets and pupiks from day before to soup.

Now form the matzah balls. Wet your hands with cool water before forming each matzah ball. The matzah balls can be any size from golf ball size (if you're having Tiger Woods at your Seder) to baseball size (the size preferred by serious noshers), but make them all the same size so that they cook evenly. Drop into gently boiling soup. Soup must be boiling! After all the matzah balls are in, cover pot. You should try to plan this so that the matzah balls go into the soup just as the Seder is about to start. This way they can cook throughout the Seder and will be ready to serve at mealtime. The larger the matzah balls, the longer they need to cook. Figure on at least 45 minutes to an hour.

This recipe is a lot of work, but during the year this would be a complete meal in itself. At the Passover feast, this is the first of many wonderful courses. If you have trouble on your first attempt, do not despair. All good Jewish mothers and cooks pride themselves on their matzah ball soup and spend years perfecting their techniques.

And trust me. Your guests will enjoy the matzah balls so much, that they'll ask what other parts of the matzah are edible!

[Note: In conjunction with bed rest, aspirin, fluids, and a kiss on the forehead, this recipe will cure the common cold.]

The Feast Day of Saint Patrick

Ireland is the only place that could get me on a plane, or to travel outside of the United States. I have always been drawn to the legends of the Emerald Isle, especially the legends surrounding its natural wonders and beauty. According to all accounts, Irish hospitality is no myth, and the land remains unspoiled even under the pressures of modernization and tourism. As Nicholas Mosse writes in his excellent book, Country Living: Irish Country:

"The famous greens of Ireland are not just poetical or political imagination. They are so ever present ... bluegreens of winter barley, the yellowish greens of unfurling beech leaves, the blackish greens of thorn trees, have all been allowed to thrive. Small farms are still worked, and their patchworks of fields and hedges are a study in Irish green. Traditionally, the small amount of wood used in Irish cottages was painted for protection. Originally, lead based brown and green paints were used, but in the 19th century, as more colourful dyes entered the marketplace, these colours became bolder and more amazing. Glorious pinks, lipstick reds, brilliant blues and high gloss paint were all over these cottages, replacing the Earth-based colours of earlier times. They provided punctuation marks in the otherwise green landscape."

Although I am neither Irish, nor Catholic, I grew up in a southside Chicago neighborhood overwhelmingly Irish Catholic. Every third house belonged to a cop, and seven plus children was the norm. On St. Patrick's Day, the large local church was busy in the morning, and the small local bars were busy the rest of the day. Green beer flowed as freely as the Chicago River, and restaurants featured bad boiled corned beef and cabbage specials. WGN always showed The Quiet Man in the evening, then we would take off our green socks and shirts and go to bed.

The Quiet Man is Irishman John Ford's Technicolor ode to the Emerald Isle. Filmed entirely on location, it is a lyrical epic starring John Wayne, Maureen O'Hara, and a cast of characters you will take into your heart. This 1952 release won Oscars for Best Direction and Best Cinematography, and richly deserves both. This film has probably done more to promote Irish patriotism than any other single source.

The feast day of St. Patrick commemorates his death. The births and early lives of most Saints are not recorded and are shrouded in the mists of time, but generally the circumstances and dates of their deaths are documented. Interestingly enough, St. Patrick was not Irish. It is believed that he was born in Scotland around 385 A.D. His father may have been an official working for the Roman government that ruled the British Isles at this time. St. Patrick was given the birth name Maewyn, but took the name Patricius which means "well-born" in Latin. Patrick is the English transliteration of this word.

The Irish frequently raided the neighboring islands and when Patrick was 16, he was taken to Ireland as a captive slave. For six years Patrick spent a solitary life tending his master's flocks of sheep, praying by day and night, and serving a penitence he believed was just. One night, in a vision, a voice told Patrick, "Thy ship is ready for thee." He took this as a sign and made his way to the coast where he boarded a ship bound for western Europe. Many years passed, he gained an education in an unspecified monastery, and devoted his life to God. Patrick again had a vision wherein he heard "the voice of the Irish, crying as with one mouth, 'Come hither and walk among us'."

Patrick was a bishop by this time and he set off for Ireland to bring the Word of the Lord to the pagan Celts. Ireland was a primitive and warlike society divided into clans that believed in Druidism, a religion dominated by priests who practiced magic, worshiped nature gods and offered human sacrifices. Patrick worked tirelessly in his mission to spread the Word and establish churches throughout Ireland. For forty years Patrick labored among the Irish, finally being laid to rest near the River Quoile in County Down in Northern Ireland.

Despite the association of the four leaf clover with good luck, the three leaf clover, also called the shamrock, is universally associated with Ireland.

Legend has it that Saint Patrick used the shamrock, which covered vast fields throughout Ireland, to explain the Holy Trinity to the Celts who inhabited the island.

The earliest physical reference to Saint Patrick and the shamrock appeared on coins dated around 1675. These copper half-penny pieces depicted a figure of Saint Patrick preaching to a crowd while holding a shamrock.

The first stanza, of a moving poem, written in 1846, by Thomas Moore, illustrates the meaning of the shamrock in the hearts of the Irish people:

O The Shamrock

Through Erin's Isle,
To sport awhile,
As Love and Valor wander'd,
With Wit, the sprite,
Whose quiver bright
A thousand arrows squander'd;
Where'er they pass,
A triple grass
Shoots up, with dewdrops streaming,
As softly green
As emeralds seen
Through purest crystal gleaming.
O the Shamrock, the green, immortal Shamrock!
Chosen leaf
Of Bard and Chief,

Old Erin's native Shamrock!

The shamrock is now the ubiquitous symbol of Ireland, found on stamps, currency, advertising materials, tourism promotions, and airplanes. The shamrock is even registered as a trademark by the Government of Ireland.

It has become a tradition for the Irish prime minister to present a special Waterford Crystal bowl, featuring a shamrock design, filled with shamrocks to the President of the United States in the White House every Saint Patrick's Day.

The celebration of St. Patrick's Day since that time, in Ireland and America, has revolved around religion, history, politics, “the Troubles," and the Great Famine, and is far beyond the scope and focus of this essay. But perhaps a glimpse into the Irish "character" can be gleaned from the following passages:

"I have but a few more words to say - I am going to my cold and silent grave - my lamp of life is nearly extinguished - my race is run - the grave opens to receive me, and I sink into its bosom. I have but one request to ask at my departure from this world; it is - the charity of its silence. Let no man write my epitaph; for as no man who knows my motives dare now vindicate them; let not prejudice or ignorance asperse them. Let them and me rest in obscurity and peace; and my tomb remain uninscribed, and my memory in oblivion, until other times and other men can do justice to my character. When my country takes her place among the nations of the earth, then and not till then, let my epitaph be written."

This passage was spoken by 23 year old Robert Emmett on September 19th, 1803, after being sentenced to death for leading a Rising for Irish freedom.

The following quotes pertain to the Potato Famine. The first, written by John Mitchell, is a bitter indictment of English policy of that time. The second, by Canon P.A. Sheehan is a poignant description of a people in despair:

"There is no need to recount…how families, when all was eaten and no hope left, took their last look at the sun, built up their cottage doors, that none might see them die nor hear their groans, and were found weeks afterwards, skeletons on their own hearth…and how, in every one of these years, '46, '47, and '48, Ireland was exporting to England, food to the value of fifteen million pounds sterling, and had on her own soil at each harvest, good provision for double her own population, notwithstanding the potato blight."

"And they did perish; perished by hundreds, by thousands, by tens of thousands, by hundreds of thousands; perished in the houses, in the fields, by the roadside, in the ditches; perished from hunger, from cold, but most of all from famine-fever. It is an appalling picture, that which springs up to memory. Gaunt specters move here and there, looking at one another out of hollow eyes of despair and gloom. Ghosts walk the land. Great giant figures, reduced to skeletons by hunger, shake in their clothes, which hang loose around their attenuated frames. Mothers try to still their children's cries of hunger by bringing their cold, blue lips to milkless breasts. Here and there by the wayside a corpse stares at the passers-by, as it lies against the hedge where it sought shelter."

In the face of such tragedy and injustice, is it any wonder that the Irish people so embrace their Patron Saint, or so proudly display the shamrock? Those of us who are not Irish-born, but can empathize with a valiant people and a resilient land, can with equal heart embrace St. Patrick and honor his day.

Simple foodstuffs, perfectly blended, are the hallmark of traditional Irish cooking. Dairy products abound, and rich cream, sweet butter and mild cheeses are ever present. You are likely to find lamb, beef, fowl, fish, and seafood. Pork is less common, but no Irish farmhouse breakfast worthy of the name would be without good country sausages, called bangers, and thick rashers of bacon; and many a Limerick ham has graced a holiday table. Vegetables are a mainstay, particularly root vegetables; and apples, berries and dried fruits such as currants find their way into enticing desserts. Accompanied by fresh baked loaves, dark beers that are a foodstuff unto themselves, and the ubiquitous potato, the larder is complete.

St. Patrick's Day is a week-long celebration in our home. This year, our festivities will begin Saturday evening with a dinner of Honeycrisp apples, seedless green grapes, cracked nuts, and a selection of Irish cheeses: Blarney Castle - a mild, creamy, Gouda-like cheese; Dubliner - a sharp Cheddar; and Cashel - a soft, rich blue cheese, all washed down with Black & Tans. After dinner we will settle down to watch Disney's Darby O'Gill and the Little People, and sampled a wee bit o' Tullamore Dew.

If you're not familiar with Darby O'Gill, this classic Walt Disney production stars a very young Sean Connery in a whimsical mix of Irish folklore and special effects. You'll meet leprechauns ruled by the wily King Brian, pookas, banshees, and old Darby himself who has spent a lifetime in a battle of wits with the Leprechaun King. Will Darby get the pot of gold, or does he receive a wish more valuable still? Raise a glass of poteen (Irish moonshine) and be spirited away by this enchanting fantasy.

Sunday morning breakfast will consist of McCann's Irish, steel-cut oatmeal with golden raisins, and chopped walnuts, topped with a pat of Kerrygold Irish butter, light brown sugar, and Half & Half, accompanied by mugs of coffee laced with Bailey's Irish Cream.

After breakfast will come the serious business of preparing a traditional St. Patrick's Day dinner - corned beef, slow roasted with scads of fresh dill. We will accompany this with champ, the classic Irish mashed potato recipe that uses milk steeped with chopped green onions, and of course, more Irish butter. For the vegetable dish, we will make sauteed Brussels's Sprouts with roasted chestnuts, another popular staple in Ireland. And what could be better for dessert than Bailey's Bread Pudding, made with soda bread and Bailey's Irish Cream?

Our celebration does not stop there. Monday night's dinner is Irish macaroni and cheese which incorporates a variety of Irish cheddar and a reduction of Guinness Stout.

For St. Patrick's Day itself, we are making one of our favorite dishes - lamb shanks braised in Guinness, served alongside my signature recipe - Blarney Pies - a popover using refrigerated pie crusts, filled with cubes of Blarney Castle cheese and sauteed leeks. These are better than they have any right to be, but everyone who bites into one, absolutely insists on including them in their annual St. Patrick's Day meal.

Blarney Pies are a recipe I came up with many years ago. I made the mistake once, of not making Blarney Pies, and instead served several other classic Irish dishes. To this day I have not heard the end of it. With my dying breath, if I make no other offering for St. Patrick's Day, I will make Blarney Pies. I have found no recipe similar to this in any Irish cookbook, yet it is so quintessentially Irish, I cannot believe it is not a regular item on every Irish menu.

Following are some recipes we've tried in the past with great success:

(All recipes courtesy of Stíofán Ó'Duinn)

Slow Roasted Corned Beef

I mentioned that I remembered bad boiled corned beef and overcooked cabbage from my youth. Instead of boiling it, place point cut corned beef into a roasting pan. Do not use a rack. Pour Swanson vegetable broth into pan about two inches up side of meat. If corned beef comes with seasoning packet, discard packet. I do not like the texture of the seeds they contain on my meat. Instead I season the corned beef myself. I simply sprinkle the top lightly with cracked pepper, dill (dried is fine), caraway seed, and sweet paprika. Never add salt to a corned beef! Then sprinkle top of meat and broth with cleaned and chopped leeks. One large leek should be sufficient. Cover roasting pan with lid and place in oven preheated to 350 degrees. Roast for one hour per pound. This slow roasting develops the flavor and tenderizes the meat until it melts in your mouth. Test for doneness, carving fork should slide effortlessly into meat. Remove from oven, carefully place meat on platter, tent with aluminum foil, and let rest fifteen minutes before slicing. Arrange sliced meat on a platter and decorate with sprigs of fresh rosemary.

Lamb Shanks & Guinness

Range top or oven braising (slow cooking in liquid), is a staple of Irish cuisine. This stovetop braising dish combines succulent lamb with Guinness Stout. Plan on one shank per person. Generally, these will need to be ordered ahead of time from a reputable butcher, and they are not inexpensive, but the accolades you will receive will be well worth the effort and expenditure. In a large kettle, heat enough vegetable oil to cover the bottom. Coat shanks with flour seasoned with coarse kosher salt and cracked pepper. In batches, brown lamb well on all sides. Add oil as necessary. Remove lamb to platter and saute 3 medium yellow onions, chopped. Stir in more of the seasoned flour to make a roux. Slowly add 3 cups of vegetable stock, stirring continuously. Slowly add three 12-ounce bottles of Guinness Extra Stout. Return lamb shanks and any drippings to kettle. Add enough additional stock to cover. Add 2 teaspoons fresh chopped rosemary. Bring to boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for one and a half hours. Add 6 carrots and 3 large parsnips, peeled and cut into one and a half inch pieces. Cover and simmer an additional hour. With slotted spoon, remove lamb to large platter. Place vegetables into serving bowl. Ladle sauce into gravy boat. Garnish meat and vegetable dishes with whole sprigs of rosemary. Note: Beef Stew can also be prepared with Guinness - fabulous!

Baked Trout

Trout and salmon are found in most of the rivers and lakes of Ireland. Fly-fishing is a very popular sport both with local inhabitants and tourists. This simple but elegant dish may be a spectacular change of pace from the expected St. Patrick's Day menu. If you don't happen to have a handy trout stream nearby, many grocery stores now offer wonderful farm-raised trout fillets with beautiful red flesh. Do not buy fish unless it is vivid in color and has no fishy smell to it. Plan on one large fillet per person. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Arrange fillets, skin side down. Sprinkle with fine sea salt and cracked pepper. Depending on how many fillets you are preparing, melt enough butter to drench fillets. A clove of garlic may be crushed into butter. Drizzle over fish. Squeeze fresh lemon juice over fish. Sprinkle with fresh or dried dill. Bake in preheated 375-degree oven until done, about half an hour. Serve with soda bread, Irish butter and steamed root vegetables.

Be Vewy, Vewy Quiet, I'm Fwicasseeing Wabbit

Yes, rabbit. Coneys are a popular Irish foodstuff. They can be substituted in any chicken recipe. They can be fried, stewed, baked, and turned on a stick over an open fire. My favorite way to prepare rabbit is in a fricassee.
Fricassee comes from the French words "frire" - to fry - and "casser" - to break. The words commingled to mean "cut up and cook in sauce," and now refers to a dish of stewed or fried pieces of meat served in a thick white sauce.
This recipe combines the best of both worlds - succulent pieces of fried rabbit, with tender root vegetables, braised in a savory herb gravy worthy of a folk song.

Serves 4

Ingredients

2 3-lb rabbits, quartered
4 carrots, peeled and coarsely chopped
2 large parsnips, peeled and coarsely chopped
1 large leek, finely chopped, and rinsed thoroughly
4 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
1 tablespoon fresh flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped
1 teaspoon fresh sage, finely chopped
1 teaspoon fresh rosemary, finely chopped
1 teaspoon fresh thyme, finely chopped
2/3 cup flour
1 teaspoon celery salt
1 teaspoon white pepper
Peanut oil
Vegetable broth
1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt
1/2 cup heavy (whipping) cream

Directions

In a pie plate, use a fork to mix celery salt and white pepper into flour. Dredge rabbit quarters in seasoned flour. In a large, deep frying pan, brown rabbit on both sides in peanut oil, about 10 minutes total. Remove browned rabbit pieces to platter, including all the browned bits.
Wipe out frying pan. In the same pan, sauté carrots, parsnips, and leeks in peanut oil until softened, about 10 minutes. Sprinkle veggies with sea salt to enhance sweetness while cooking. A minute before veggies are done, stir in garlic to bloom flavor and aroma.
Create the roux. Sprinkle sautéed veggies with 6 tablespoons of the leftover dredging flour. Stir constantly until flour appears absorbed into veggies. Turn heat to high and slowly add vegetable stock, continuing to stir. Bring to steady simmer, and continue adding broth until the consistency of a creamed soup.
Many similar recipes call for the addition of one-half to three-quarters of a cup of wine at this point, but in general, I am not a big fan of cooking with wine. It is purely my personal preference. The Irish did not cultivate grapes in any substantial way throughout their history, although certain monasteries fermented the fruit of the vine on a small scale starting around the 5th century for religious uses.
Today, several vineyards are producing some passable vintages, although wine is still not a mainstay on the island. However, if you can find a good, dry Irish wine at your local liquor store, by all means, go for it.
Lay rabbit pieces atop and among veggies. Return any accumulated juices on platter to pan. Sprinkle fresh herbs over rabbit. Reduce heat to a low simmer. Cover and simmer for 2 hours.
Test for doneness. Rabbit should be fork tender. Check for an internal temperature of 165 degrees. Remove rabbit pieces to clean platter and tent with aluminum foil. With slotted spoon, remove vegetables to bowl and cover with aluminum foil.
Stir whipping cream into liquid in frying pan. If sauce is too thick, thin with vegetable broth. If sauce is too thin, thicken on stove.

Irish Cocktail Sauce

This totally Irish variation for a sublime shrimp cocktail appetizer is courtesy of Rosalind Cole in her book "Of Soda Bread and Guinness." You simply take a cup of heavy (whipping) cream, a cup of rich tomato sauce, one-quarter cup of freshly grated horseradish root, a few drops of fresh lemon juice, some sea salt and cracked pepper, and a bit of chopped parsley, and mix well. Serve with cooked, chilled shrimp and enjoy!

Toaster Oven Baked Potatoes

Wash up to four good-sized russet potatoes, for a standard size toaster oven, dry off and pierce in several places with fork. Coat with Crisco shortening. Make sure toaster oven is lined on the bottom with aluminum foil, and place potatoes on toaster oven rack. Bake for one hour at 400-degrees. You will find the skin to be crisp and full of flavor, and the interior to be creamier than you ever thought possible from a potato. Split the potato, smother with Irish butter, sour cream, and fresh chives, and indulge!

Blarney Pies

Preheat oven to 375-degrees. Saute leeks (depending on how many guests you are serving) in butter and let cool. Cut Irish Blarney Castle cheese into half-inch cubes. Take refrigerated round piecrusts and cut into quarters. Place a pinch of cheese cubes and a heaping spoonful of sauteed leeks in center of dough sections. Wet edges of crust with ice water and fold up and seal to make little pockets. Place on cookie sheet (lined with parchment paper) and bake until golden brown, about twenty to twenty-five minutes. That's all there is to it.

Black & Tans

Slowly pour half a bottle of Harp Ale down side of glass, then gently pour half a bottle of Guinness Extra Stout on top. Ideally there should be a good inch of foam. This beverage goes well with every Irish dish, or stands on its own. Far superior to green beer in every respect.

Mint Ice Cream & Oreos

After a hearty Irish dinner, there can surely be no dessert more refreshing than this simple offering. Place two scoops of good mint ice cream into a bowl and surround with several Double Stuff Oreo Mint Creme cookies.

Guinness Chocolate Cake with Bailey's Irish Cream Frosting

For those who cannot get enough chocolate, this comes close.

(makes 12 servings)

CAKE

1 cup Guinness Extra Stout
10 tablespoons unsalted Kerrygold Irish butter, plus more for greasing pan
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
3/4 cup sour cream
2 large eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 9" springform pan with butter and line the bottom with a buttered round of parchment paper.

In a large saucepan, mix 10 Tbsp butter and beer, cooking over medium-high heat till butter has melted. Add the cocoa powder and sugars, and whisk together. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature.

In a large bowl, whisk sour cream, eggs, and vanilla extract till well combined. Add the butter mixture and whisk together.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt. Slowly whisk the flour mixture into the butter mixture till smooth.

Pour the batter into the springform pan and give the pan a few taps on the countertop to shake out any air pockets. Bake for 50-60 minutes. Cool completely on a wire rack. Run a knife around the edge to separate the cake from the pan and remove the ring from the springform pan.

Prepare the frosting.

FROSTING

4 cups confectioners sugar
1/2 cup Kerrygold Irish butter at room temperature
8 oz Philadelphia brand cream cheese at room temperature
6 tablespoons Baileys Irish Cream liqueur

Cream the butter and sugar till well mixed. Add the cream cheese in cubes slowly until incorporated. Add Baileys. Continue mixing for 5 minutes till the frosting is light and fluffy. Spread frosting on top and sides of completely cooled cake with offset spatula.

Dead focking brilliant!

Irish Coffee (our way)

Starting with an 8-ounce container of whipping cream, add a teaspoon of vanilla and a tablespoon of sugar, whisk into froth. Pour a generous jigger (one and a half shots) of Bailey's Irish Cream into coffee mug. Fill with freshly percolated robust black coffee. Place a large dollop of fresh whipped cream on top. Place The Quiet Man in Blu-ray player and enjoy rest of evening. Leave dishes for tomorrow.

I believe music sets the mood. Such bands and performers as Cherish the Ladies, The Chieftans, Altan, Mary Black, and many others all have albums available on CD. If nothing else, pick up a copy of the Irish Rovers' classic release The Unicorn. This collection of familiar Irish folk songs will appeal to young and old alike, and the whole family will sing along together in no time. (www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EPsuOEH1fY)

For those interested in popular music, an Irish band called Thin Lizzy dominated 1970's progressive rock radio. Recording rock ballads as well as metal tunes, Phil Lynott's haunting vocals, and duel guitar work by Scott Gorham and Brian Robertson, still hold up.

Thin Lizzy paved the way for other bands out of Ireland to achieve success in the States, most notably, U2. Exploding onto the rock scene in America in 1983 with their phenomenal album War, and such mega-anthems as "Sunday Bloody Sunday," "New Year's Day," and "Pride (In The Name of Love)," U2 became the voice of conscience for a generation coming of age in the 80's. Incidentally, the "War" album features the most intense and poignant cover of any album I have ever seen. 30 years later, it still makes me shudder.

A more recent Irish band to hit the pop charts in Europe and America is The Corrs. Comprised of a brother and three sisters, this catchy group is mentored by the likes of Mick Fleetwood, and features guest appearances by Fleetwood, Bono, and Ron Wood of The Rolling Stones on their live album. Their albums feature amazing Irish instrumentals and upbeat selections that will have you dancing a jig.

The Irish are said to have the gift of gab. Whether this comes from kissing the Blarney Stone, or is just pure blarney itself, as a people, the Irish have a poetical nature. In fact, Ireland has produced some of the greatest poets and writers in the world, including James Joyce, Oscar Wilde, W.B. Yeats, and George Bernard Shaw. No true Irishman would lift a glass and not toast his compatriots with some bit of wisdom thinly veiled by humor.

Here is a small sample of some of my favorite Irish toasts:

May you have food and raiment, a soft pillow for your head,

May you be forty years in heaven before the devil knows you're dead!

Here's a health to your enemies' enemies!

Health and long life to you, the woman of your choice to you,

A child every year to you, land without rent to you,

And may you die in Ireland.

(Try this one after a few Black and Tans:)

Here's to you and yours, and to mine and ours,

And if mine and ours ever come across you and yours,

I hope you and yours will do as much for mine and ours,

As mine and ours have done for you and yours!

Here's to three slender things that support the world:

the slender stream of milk from the cow's udder into the pail;

the slender blade of green corn upon the ground;

the slender thread over the hand of a skilled woman.

And lastly in honor of the old Saint himself - 

St. Patrick was a gentleman who through strategy and stealth

Drove all the snakes from Ireland, here's a toasting to his health;

But not too many toastings lest you lose yourself and then

Forget the good St. Patrick and see all those snakes again.

St. Patrick's Day has always been the harbinger of Spring to me. Although in Chicago the weather is still, as a rule, cold and damp, the vernal equinox is only a few days away, and warmer weather can't be too far behind. The days are noticeably longer, and even though the trees are bare and patches of gray snow still cover the ground, we can bring the greens of Ireland into our homes.

We have a small but elegant collection of shamrock dinnerware, themed mugs, Irish linens, and coffeetable and cook books, enough to turn our formal dining room into an authentic Irish Pub!

In my opinion, the table-setting is the single most important element in creating a holiday atmosphere in your home. Even if you do not use any other decorating technique, dressing your table can establish a theme. Fill a decorative bowl with russet, red, and Yukon Gold potatoes; green, red and yellow bell peppers; or even onions for easy centerpieces. Holiday tablecloths, placemats and napkins can be purchased or sewn from holiday print fabrics. Inexpensive dishware in shades of green can be bought at dollar stores. Garnish the butter dish with whole sprigs of rosemary. Lamb-shaped butter becomes available at this time of year. If you can find it, pick some up. The kids at the table will be delighted. A vase or country pitcher filled with a bouquet of green mums adds color to the table, as do green candles. A small expenditure of money, effort and imagination can produce dramatic effects.

Other small touches can add charm around the home. Place a bar of Irish Spring soap in the bathroom for guests. Imported Irish candies, become available at this time. These colorful, individually wrapped confections come in chocolate-mint, butterscotch, toffee, and orange-chocolate. A bowl of these delicious nuggets placed out on the coffee table will be greatly appreciated and will quickly disappear.

Mugs are another fun area of collecting for St. Patrick's Day. Our collection includes mugs with leprechaun faces, mugs decorated with shamrocks, mugs issued by Baileys and Guinness, and a rare St. Patrick's Day Hamm's Beer stein. Look for old and new pieces. Decorative mugs are plentiful, and you can grow your collection quickly.

Although it is far beyond our price range, and not quite our cup of tea, so to speak, many people collect antique and new issue Waterford crystal and Belleek china. These collectibles are for the true connoisseur, and require a lifetime commitment, but for those so inclined, the rewards are tremendous. Both companies have official websites that display extensive product lines, including Christmas wares. These stunningly beautiful, world-renowned handiworks are the epitome of Irish sophistication and grace.

Lastly, you can always visit a party outlet store and buy paper streamers and cutout shamrocks, but if you do, we will leave you to your green beer and "Kiss Me I'm Irish" buttons.