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Saturday, December 24, 2016

We Just Need To Ask You A Few Questions

I never do these Facebook things, and I can't imagine why anyone would care, but in the spirit of Christmas, what the hell, so to speak...

1. Who are you named after? My maternal grandfather Samuel. We share the same Hebrew name - Shmuael.
2. Last time you cried? Earlier today when I looked at my bank account.
3. Do you like your handwriting? I don't know - I can't read it.
4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Olive loaf - with pickles and pimentos.
5. Do you have kids? Yes, two sons. I disavow all knowledge of either one.
6. Do you use sarcasm? Not consciously.
7. Do you still have your tonsils? No. When I want tonsils I kiss my wife.
8. Would you bungee? Depends where they attached the cord.
9. What is your favorite kind of cereal? Cold.
10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? When I'm sober enough.
11. Do you think you're strong? No. I shower once a month. Twice a month in July and August.
12. What is your favorite ice cream? Yes.
13. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Whether they're pointing a gun at me.
14. Football or Baseball? No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
15. What is the least favorite thing you like about yourself? My health.
16. What color pants are you wearing? Skin tone.
17. Last thing you ate? Mint Oreos dunked in milk. Stick that in your stocking Santa!
18. What are you listening to right now? Myself making up smart answers to these questions.
19. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black on one end, white on the other, and every color in-between.
20. Favorite smell? I have no sense of smell. You could hold a bouquet of buttercups under my nose, and it might as well be a bowl of burning buffalo chips.
21. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? A very nice Russian gentlemen who offered to speed up my computer. All he needed were my passwords, banking information, Social Security number, and for some reason, my mother's maiden name.
22. Favorite sport to watch on TV? Fox News.
23. Hair color? Bwahahahaha!
24. Eye color? Brown. In remembrance of my hair color.
25. Favorite food to eat? Cheesecake.
26. Scary movies or happy? The Expendables.
27. Last movie you watched? A Smoky Mountain Christmas (1986) Dolly Parton, Lee Majors, John Ritter. Directed by Henry Winkler (who has a cameo role in the film). A Smoky Mountain Christmas is a made-for-television musical fantasy filmed in the beautiful Smoky Mountains, which serve as the backdrop for this poignant drama. Lorna Davis (Parton), is a country music star overburdened by her career and loneliness. She takes refuge in a friend's cabin, only to discover seven children escaped from an orphanage. Lorna and the youngsters run afoul of a local witch, and the town sheriff. Featuring six original songs performed by Parton, A Smoky Mountain Christmas is a heartwarming story of love and holiday spirit. Unfortunately this movie is unavailable for purchase at this time, although copies come up for sale by individual parties on Amazon and eBay. Good uploads of the film can be found on YouTube, but these sites change quickly due to various applications of copyright and intellectual property law.
28. Beach or Snowy Mountain? Cabin in the woods. Oh, that was question 26.
29. Wine or beer? Moonshine. It's my muse.
30. Favorite Holiday? Leap Day. But always look first.



youtube.com/watch?v=zO2DaKS2DNU (A Smoky Mountain Christmas)

Friday, December 23, 2016

I'm Game

What could be more perfect than waking up on a bright Christmas morning with a new blanket of clean, fresh snow on roofs and lawns. As the family gathers around the tree, your wife hands you a big mug of rich coffee flavored with peppermint-mocha creamer. Presents are exchanged amidst squeals of joy and laughter. With beaming faces, everyone sits down to a breakfast of bacon and eggs to fortify them for the fun-filled day ahead.

Later, a mince pie, that has been cooling on a rack for hours, its tantalizing aroma wafting about the house, is cut into wedges to tide everyone over till dinner.

When dinner is finally served, turkey and gravy, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, stuffing, roasted root vegetables, and Brussels sprouts grace the table. The promise of a blazing Christmas pudding to end the meal hearkens.

Well now you can have all of that and more in the convenience of a single can.




That's right, the "Christmas Tinner," the brainchild of British graphic designer Chris Godfrey, features a nine-course holiday meal, layered into one pull-tab tin can. No major shopping trips or budget busting checkout totals, no lengthy preparation, no cooking, no cleanup! Just fine dining from the comfort of your own La-Z-Boy recliner, as you spoon your way through a gourmet meal without missing a moment of your favorite bowl game or TV show.

As a spokesman for the company explained, "It’s the ultimate innovation for gamers across the nation who can’t tear themselves away from their new consoles and games on Christmas Day – the first all-in-one festive feast in a tin."

Advertising for the "Tinner" shows a cross-section of the layers as they appear in the can, and it looks every bit as appetizing as it sounds.




Needless to say, the product, in stores and online, is sold out.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Ich Bin Ein Berliner!

As some of you know, over the weekend, I had a bad reaction to a new treatment regimen one of my quacks, oops, I mean doctors, put me on. The only things that kept me out of the ER were the weather conditions, which made it too dangerous to transport me even by ambulance, and the round-the-clock care of my wife and son.

I lay in bed, curled up in a ball, shivering and sweating under a pile of blankets. My head throbbed, I was in terrible pain and spasming because I couldn't hold down my meds. The television was on in the background, set to MeTV (it's amazing what a great line-up The Big Valley, Gunsmoke, and Bonanza are when you're sick).

Only half listening, in a feverish state, I heard the news coming out of Germany. Amid the horror, I thought, how gruesome, and effective - and brilliant in its simplicity. A completely low-tech and below-the-radar operation. Hijack an eighteen-wheeler loaded with steel beams for maximum impact, kill the driver, and plow the unstoppable force into an outdoor market of Christmas shoppers.

The attack was quickly confirmed as an act of terrorism, and shortly after, ISIS, or ISIL, or some other damn Islamic militant group claimed responsibility.

And that's when it happened. The thought came into my head, maybe Trump is right. This scourge must be stamped out once and for all. The West cannot continue living this way. Maybe registries, internment camps, and nuking Mecca is the way to go. But then my fever broke, and a cooler head, so to speak, prevailed.

The rage - again - is incalculable. Saying more about the specifics of the tragedy would demean the dead, suffering, and grieving. Vows to bring swift justice upon the perpetrators does little to assuage the anguish.

But Christmas is not a time for retribution. It is not a time for neighbor to turn against neighbor. It is not a time for families to extinguish their candles and huddle in fear and darkness, especially on this shortest day of the year. It is not a time to forget the Christ child, whatever you believe.

Christ is love. Christmas is love. And in order for us to stay sane in an insane world, we too must believe in love.

And as far as agreeing with Trump? Remember, I was delirious. It won't happen again.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Stuff This In Your Stocking

With the holidays only a week away, I want to remind you that my book would be the perfect present for those on your gift-giving list that you never want to hear from again!




Friday, December 16, 2016

I'll Have A Blue Carbuncle Christmas Without You

Today's Christmas lesson, children, is morality.

Under the Masterpiece Theater banner, PBS aired a 1980s BBC production of new Sherlock Holmes dramatizations. These brilliant adaptations, starred Jeremy Brett in the title role, who for my money is the best Holmes ever portrayed on the big or little screen.

Every year at this time, we watch an episode called, "The Blue Carbuncle," which captures perfectly the trappings of an Edwardian Christmas in old London-towne. The story revolves around the theft of a unique and priceless gemstone, that Holmes describes as "a nucleus and focus of crime," every facet of which stands for a bloody deed, with "a sinister history" of betrayal, robbery, suicide, and murder.

He concludes by saying in disgust, "All brought about by this 40-grain weight of crystallized charcoal."

I was cuddling with my cat while watching the show, and I said to my wife, "I wouldn't give up this one small animal for all the jewels in the world."

Later, I thought about it, and rationalized that if I had all the jewels in the world, I could assure that every pet on earth had a happy life, secure sanctuaries for wild and endangered species, and probably still have enough left over to go a long way towards alleviating world hunger.

But if it meant breaking my commitment to one precious little soul, who has known nothing but gentleness, softness and love since the day she was born, I couldn't do it.

Is this foolish?

Then, while reading this morning, I ran across this passage:

"When it came down to it, well-intentioned ideologies were developed for those without access to money."

Is this where my so-called morality comes from, the knowledge that I have no resources and never will, so I can afford, so to speak, to be altruistic?

Does this negate Christ's teachings? Is the idea that "the meek shall inherit the earth" just a cover-up to help placate our lot in life?

Interesting questions to ponder, at least to me, at Christmastime.



Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The Whimpers of Little Children

The blasting wind scoured the empty streets, scoured living flesh on contact, screamed down the darkened avenue of north Broadway.

Someone had a heavy hand in this.

Two small terrycloth slippers crunched lightly the broken ice on the broken sidewalk. A forlorn figure huddled close, bundled against the searing cold in a tattered army jacket many sizes too big. Stubby fingers now red and swollen poked out of a pair of gray yarn mittens that were once pink. Matted blonde hair frenzied in the wind, whipped her face, stinging.

Tears blinded her eyes, and chapped the baby fat of her numb cheeks. Her nose was running and she licked her upper lip tasting the thick sweetness. Her lower lip, cracked and bleeding, trembled. Her ears could have been snapped off like the petals of a freeze-dried rose.

A raw squall smashed against the child, driving deep daggers of ice into her heart, and hissing words of evil sleep in her ravaged ears. The air filled with shredded newspaper, bitter snow, and bits of garbage spinning in the whirlwind.

There was no compassion in that wind.

A brief muffled cry was knocked from the child, and she fell into a deep doorway. She landed against some sack or large bundle of rags in the far corner of the enclosure, but almost swooned in the reek of urine and gin. A low moan and some mumbled curse started from the foul pile. A large cracked claw groped toward her, and a steely grip clasped the bare skin under her pants above the worn argyle sock that didn't match the dirty white one on her other foot.

The little girl kicked wildly, lurched forward in terror, and smashed her left temple on the concrete wall. She put her exposed fingers to her head and they came away red with blood. Crawling forward, she broke the grasp and pulled herself up, stumbling drunkenly out onto the sidewalk. She fell forward into the arms of a large man.

“Ho now! What's this?”

But it was no good. The child was limp in his arms, a battered ragdoll raped by the night. The man cradled the child in his arms, opening his coat and enclosing her within it against his chest. He shivered. The night lay heavy upon her. The man leaned forward against the wind and snow. The streetlights were obscured and cast dim dancing shadows that seemed to give life to the snowdrifts.

Up ahead, the man could see two beams of soft yellow light, and as he got closer saw the light coming through the stained glass windows of a church. The choir was singing “Silent Night” and the pipe organ carried the tune hauntingly into the street.

The green and red and silver decorations on the lampposts, now all gray and tattered, flapped in the wind like the flags of lost armies. The man came to an intersection and squinted at the streetsign: CHURCH and MAIN. He could have sacrificed her there.

As he struggled up the steps of his apartment building he wondered why in God's name a child was alone in the streets on a night like tonight. Tonight of all nights.

He laid her down on a camelback sofa and got some soap, hot water and cotton, and washed the wound on her head. It was a bad scrape, very messy, very painful, but she'd be all right in a couple of days. He shuffled over to an old dresser and took out a clean handkerchief. He placed the folded handkerchief over the abrasion and tied a bandanna around her head to hold the bandage in place.

He went again to the dresser and removed a flannel pajama top. The girl slowly came awake and he handed her the night-clothes. He placed his hand on her shoulder and nodded. The child relaxed and went into the bathroom to change. When she came out, he rolled up her sleeves and tied a soft belt around her waist.

The man took his pillow, changed the pillowcase, and brought it to the child. He covered her not only with his spare blanket, but with his own blanket as well. A beat up clock radio sat on the old Formica table in the kitchen. The man switched it on, and “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” crackled into the room.

In the harshness of the overhead fluorescent light, the girl watched the man pour some milk from a half gallon bottle into an aluminum pot on the stove. The man brought the child a mug, steam slowly rising from the warm milk. He handed it to her, and as she took it, her tiny hands touched his pawlike ones. Their eyes met. Hers were filled with sadness. His held a deeper despair. He lowered his head, nodded, and turned back to the kitchen. She drank the milk while he washed out the pot and put it in a strainer.

He'd decide what to do in the morning.

Somewhere amid the howling of the night, a bell rang twelve times.

The child and the man each said a little prayer in their hearts, and it was one prayer.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

My Reason For the Season: A Holidayman Christmas

Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail. Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile... You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. 
~ From A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens


Christmas is as many things to as many people. For some, Christmas is a deeply religious and profoundly spiritual time. For others, Christmas is a time for shopping, entertaining and partying. For still others, it is a time for decorating, cooking and family. For most, Christmas is a pleasant mix of all of these. I always look forward to getting swept up in Christmas, and struggle to keep from getting swept away by it.

I come to Christmas by way of choice, for a variety of reasons that seem goodly to me. Of course, I had to live my childhood Christmases vicariously through my friends, including my TV friends, Charlie Brown, the Grinch, and Hardrock, Coco, and Joe (well, mainly Joe). My brother, sisters, and I were discouraged from all things Christmas, but our parents could not object to the myriad of Christmas shows broadcast on the big three networks.

After school, during the month of December, I loved playing at the home of my friend, Ron Yon Verjen. Ron was the oldest of five siblings, as I was, and the Yon Verjen house represented to me the quintessential American 1960s Christmas.

They had a real tree (bought from Goldblatt's parking lot) decorated with red and green paper chains, popcorn strings, bubble lights, and a glittering array of Shiny Brite ornaments. A gold angel with a lighted halo brushed the ceiling. A Lionel train set, which was always derailed, ran in a circle among the folds of the quilted tree skirt.





The living room windows were covered with spray-on stenciled snowflakes. Cut glass dishes filled with peppermints and nonpareils sat on the lace covered end tables.

On Christmas Day, Ron's family got up early to open presents, and then they went to church, but when they got home, Ron ran over and asked if I could have breakfast at his house. Their custom was to serve thin pancakes filled with a sweetened jam made with tart, red berries called lingonberries.

After breakfast, Ron and I played with his haul in the crowded living room until relatives started to arrive, and Mrs. Yon Verjen shooed us outside.

The grass is always greener, and Ron thought I was the lucky one. I got to light a menorah and watch the colorful candles drip and melt in odd shapes. I got to sing Hanukkah songs. My family's singing abilities are legendary. In fact, my sister once commented in all seriousness that I had the best singing voice in our family. That's a scary thought.

But Ron thought I was especially lucky, because I got presents for eight nights in a row!

Of course, to my mind, these things paled in comparison to the decorating, baking, pageantry, and merrymaking of Christmas. This childhood longing explains a large part of my love for Christmas today. But it's not just the trappings of Christmas. I'm not Catholic, although my wife is. I'm not even Christian, but the idea of Christmas, the profound love and sacrifice, the deep connection with something beyond ourselves, something within ourselves, and something between ourselves - I get it.




Humankind has "celebrated" the Winter Solstice since prehistoric times. Festivals arose to ward off the terror of darkness and cold covering the world. Evergreens, which stayed green all winter, represented life. Campfires, candles, and lamps gave light and warmth. Special foods - hunted, gathered, or grown - were brought out for these occasions.

In Roman times, the festival of Saturnalia marked the Winter Solstice, and it was this and similar festivals, such as northern European Yuletide observances, upon which the Catholic Church placed its stamp.

In evocation of our forebears, I offer these two variations of an ancient prayer:

As we approach the year's longest night,
I ask you, Divine God and Goddess,
to be with me and my loved ones
and safeguard us through the hours.
May we be blessed in community,
bountiful in feast and celebration,
and rich in the earth's gifts
as we welcome the return of the light.

or

As we approach the day's long night,
I ask you, Lord,
to be with me and my loved ones
and safeguard us through the hours.
May we be blessed in Thy community,
bountiful in the Feast of Thy Son,
and rich in Thy gifts
as we welcome the return of Thy light.




Christmas has always been a bittersweet holiday to me. Joyous yet melancholy, happy yet poignant, uplifting yet somehow disquieting. This Christmas in particular, I feel like we're treading into the new year on quicksand.

We, like most families, live from paycheck to paycheck. Catastrophic illness has made our situation even more precarious. We are facing a retirement with our meager savings decimated by medical bills and a ruined economy; and a social safety net up for grabs, that even in the best eventuality, would leave me a nursing home charity case, and my wife in some dingy apartment.

Yet, we are keenly aware that there are those who have less - less money, less freedom, less love.

There is less daylight, but the glow of candles can warm the house. It is colder outside, but we can bring the outside in. It is a time of giving, but we can give of ourselves. We make presents, share recipes, send handmade cards, partake in a good craft beer with neighbors, drop a few coins in buckets. Some people do more. You do what you can. Christmas is just that way.




Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to our life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance, to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
~ From an editorial published on September 21, 1897 in the New York Sunwritten by Francis P. Church



There has never been a time when I did not believe in Santa.

It is a rite of passage for children to reach the age where they no longer believe there is a Santa Claus. It is a rite of passage for parents to see their children reach this age.

For many years, I got out of bed in the wee hours of Christmas morning and silently entered our boys' room to fill the stockings hung by their beds. They never caught me at it, and I disavowed any complicity in these nocturnal visitations. Therefore, no matter what the boys said, or what they believed, there was room for doubt about Santa's existence, and this doubt was enough.

It has always been our custom to fill their stockings with edible goodies - toys and gifts were for under the tree - a custom which we continue to this day, and the boys still eagerly look forward to. Jars of Goober Grape, juicy Christmas pomegranates, cans of Kraft spread cheese, tubes of Ritz crackers, bags of Planter's trail mixes and honey roasted cashews, packs of gum, holiday candies, Pez dispensers, boxes of cookies and animal crackers, bottles of flavored sodas - essentially a kids gourmet basket in a sock.




From the middle of October through New Years we are continually bombarded with images of the "perfect" Christmas - the perfectly decorated home, in the picture perfect New England snowbound countryside, with the perfectly shaped and trimmed Christmas tree reaching to the ceiling, piles of perfectly wrapped packages, perfectly prepared feasts, perfect families sitting before perfect fireplaces on perfect antique furniture, singing together in perfect harmony. Christmas, like life, is not perfect.

Christmas is a time of laughter and a time of tears. We laugh as Max and the Grinch race down the mountainside on their way to sack Whoville, and cry when we see a tiny crutch without an owner carefully preserved by the fireside.

Christmas is also a time for traditions, traditions stored in tissue paper in battered cardboard boxes, traditions stored in recipe files, traditions stored in photo albums. We would like to share some of our traditions, and hope that they may inspire new traditions of your own, and as always, we would love to hear from you about your cherished traditions.



Outdoors, the wild winds blow, Mistress, and dark is the night, strange voices cry in the trees, intoning strange lore, and more than cats move, lit by our eyes' green light, on silent feet where the meadow grasses hang hoar - Mistress, there are portents abroad of magic and might, and things that are yet to be done. Open the door!
~ From Cat on a Night of Snow by Elizabeth Coatsworth

Anyone of the Christian faith who doesn't already have Christmas linens, dishes, collectibles, ornaments, and family heirlooms is beyond our ability to help and we leave you to your humbugs. When it comes to Christmas, all families have a wealth and history of traditions that are eagerly looked forward to year after year. Even the boxes that decorations come packed in, are as dear as the decorations themselves because beneath the dust and faded lettering and battered edges are memories. As with holiday recipes, Christmas decorating traditions are handed down from generation to generation, and professional staffs at magazines and television shows work year round developing the "latest" trends. I will share with you some of the simple, but effective things that we do to make our holiday home special.



Something that we have had a lot of fun with over the years has been theme trees. We have themed trees with my wife's antique fan collection, passed down to her from her grandmother, using strings of red lights, red glass globe ornaments, and red glass bead garland. We have themed trees with baskets, gold light strings, gold globe ornaments and gold tinsel garland. We have used Christmas cards, red and green lights, red and green globe ornaments and red and green plaid ribbon as garland. One year we decorated a tree using vintage fabrics tied in bows, blue lights and blue glass ornaments. We have even placed models of dinosaurs made from those wood craft kits on a small tree in our boys' room. One note however, we discovered that live trees cannot stand up to such applications as fans and baskets due to the weight of the objects and the way the items need to be wired up to the branches.




For many years, our tradition was to cut a live tree from a farm operated by a local Abbey. These outings proved to be cold, muddy, and inconvenient, and we thoroughly enjoyed them. The subtle pine scent cannot be duplicated with aerosol sprays and no artificial tree can approach the natural look of a live tree. Also a live tree emanates a tangible presence in a home that can be felt. For a few weeks in December it becomes a member of the family. We water it, nourish it and fawn over it. 




One Christmas, several years ago, we had planned on cutting a live tree, but fate works in mysterious ways. While walking around a home and garden center while waiting for brakes to be replaced on our car, we spied an artificial tree that absolutely caught our fancy. It was a 7' fiber optic tree that sparkled as it changed colors. It instantly reminded me of the vintage trees from the 50s and 60s that changed colors with a revolving disk.

The only problem was that the fiber optic lighting was not conducive to hanging ornaments. We subsequently solved that problem by finding a tabletop feather tree from which we hang a selection of our most cherished ornaments.





Remember to give thought to the bottom of your tree. By far, our favorite treatment for the base of the tree is our train set. We use a simple track layout around the base of the tree and our Santa Fe passenger line.

In a related topic, remember that ornaments are not just for trees. Globe ornaments can be used quite effectively in baskets or wood bowls, and ornaments can be hung from doorknobs, furniture handles, wreaths, etc.

Wreaths themselves can be used in a variety of ways. Besides the traditional uses on doors and in windows, wreaths can be placed on tables to create dramatic centerpieces. Try placing a decorative candleholder in the center of a wreath. If you do decide to hang a wreath on a door or in a window, tie a vintage plaid scarf around the bottom and let the scarf hang down.




In addition to placing ornaments in baskets or bowls, try filling a basket with cranberry colored wooden bead garland. You can also find scented pinecones and 12" cinnamon sticks in the produce department of your local grocery store. Place these in bowls, baskets, pitchers and vases. As if these weren't enough, you can also set out a container of holiday scented potpourri, either commercially prepared or homemade. Lastly, quite effective centerpieces can be created using seasonal fruits. Apples and pears come in a variety of colors and sizes, and for an interesting change try a citrus arrangement using oranges, tangerines, lemons and limes.





Christmas is one time that you should think outside the box. Most people have at least a couple of miniature village pieces as part of their holiday decorations. These pieces are generally displayed on a mantelpiece or the top of a buffet. Our collection consists of more than a dozen lighted buildings that we display on a tall hutch in our eat-in kitchen. We use a variety of nightlight bulbs - soft white, clear, colored, and flickering - to enhance the effect.

We also change over our entire wall art. Two pieces that we enjoy greatly are a couple of vintage 1950s Paint by Numbers winter scenes. These paintings are done in shades of blues and  browns that cannot even be reproduced today. They impart charm and nostalgia to our home. We only paid $30 for the pair and found them at a local consignment shop. If we can find treasures such as these, so can you.





For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
~ From the Gospel According to Luke 

A huge part of the season is the eagerly looked forward to viewings of our favorite Christmas movies and TV shows.

We kick off the Christmas season with the 1947 Miracle on 34th Street after Thanksgiving dinner (unless we like the teams playing in the evening game, then we watch it on Friday). The story starts out with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and embarks on a whimsical journey through the Christmas shopping season, culminating in a Christmas Day miracle for those "who believe." Starring Edmund Gwenn, John Payne, Maureen O'Hara and a precocious Natalie Wood. Watching her expressions during the gum chewing incident - priceless!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ce_op2qG24 ("Miracle" trailer)

Still early in the season, we like to watch Holiday Inn. This 1942 precursor to the more popular White Christmas features a rascally Fred Astaire in some of his most innovative dance sequences, a less affected Bing Crosby in an endearing roll, some welcome humor, and the first introduction of Irving Berlin's classic "White Christmas."

We were fortunate enough after many years to finally find a copy of a great but unknown 1967 Christmas gem called Fitzwilly. Starring Dick Van Dyke and Barbara Feldon, this light-hearted romp revolves around a Christmas Eve heist of a well-known New York City department store by a band of domestics trying to support their over-generous, but penniless elderly matron. The heist sequence is a tribute to comic staging. This movie happens to feature a soundtrack from a young composer named Johnny Williams.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIDTrxXu22M (Fitzwilly Opening Theme)

What would Christmas be without TV specials? From the Andy Williams variety shows of the 60s, to the classic Twilight Zone episode with Art Carney. From the stop-motion marionette productions, such as Santa Claus is Comin' to TownRudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and The Little Drummer Boy, to perennial viewings of holiday films like It's a Wonderful Life. Today, various cable stations show A Christmas Story for 24 hours straight, there are holiday decorating and cooking shows, and of course, the Christmas installments of all your favorite programs.

http://putlockers.ch/watch-the-twilight-zone-tvshow-season-2-episode-11-online-free-putlocker.html (An elusive copy of The Twilight Zone: "The Night of the Meek")





Saving one of the best for last, this episode of The Andy Griffith Show, from its first season is simply titled, "The Christmas Story." It aired in black and white on December 19th, 1960, and is worth watching if for no other reason than Miss Ellie singing "Away in a Manger," accompanied by Andy on guitar. This was to be the only Christmas themed episode of the long-running series, and in my opinion, it is the quintessential 60s sitcom Christmas story as only our Mayberry family could tell it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl1Kq8bGLfI ("Away in a Manger")






What is there to say about A Christmas Carol? Many of our most time honored traditions come from this novella by English author Charles Dickens, first published by Chapman & Hall on 17 December 1843.  It would take a blog twice this size to list all the treatments of this quintessential Christmas classic. We have winnowed our selection down to three favorites: the 1951 Scrooge starring Alistair Sim, a very English version featuring the best ghost of Jacob Marley ever filmed; the 1938 American production A Christmas Carol with Reginald Owen in the title role, which holds a special affection because it was the movie I grew up with on WGN's "Family Classics" with the beloved Chicago icon Frazier Thomas; and the 1984 made-for-TV A Christmas Carol starring George C. Scott in a very worthy effort, and delivering a scathing turn by Edward Woodward as the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Speaking of Frazier Thomas, for the entire month of December, we would run home from school so as not to miss "Garfield Goose and Friends," hosted by Thomas. Thomas and his cadre of puppets introduced a variety of cartoons and serial features, and at Christmastime, these included, the primitive by today's standards, but enchanting Hardrock, Coco and JoeSuzy Snowflake, and Frosty the Snowman. Watching these videos on full screen mode on my comp
uter monitor was just like watching them fifty years ago on our 19" black-and-white television set.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKGonDIq8gw ("Hardrock, Coco and Joe")

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEe6KOWdbUs ("Suzy Snowflake")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU3SKtJbNu8 ("Frosty the Snowman")




The Emmy and Peabody Award winning A Charlie Brown Christmas first aired in 1965 and has set the tone for all the Christmases that have followed. No story has more eloquently stated the true meaning of Christmas than Linus' simple recitation from the Gospel according to Luke. Speaking of which, just in time for the holiday season, I ran across a reprint of an article titled, "The Moment You Never Noticed in A Charlie Brown Christmas," by writer Jason Soroski.

Soroski, who shares my passion for "all things nostalgic and all things Christmas," was right. I have never noticed. He says, "This made me love A Charlie Brown Christmas even more." I agree.

godvine.com/read/the-moment-you-never-noticed-in-a-charlie-brown-christmas-1149.html?utm_content=buffere106c&utm_medium=fbpage&utm_source=gvpg&utm_campaign=gvupdate

1966's How the Grinch Stole Christmas brilliantly captures the surreal world in which children live. Narrated by Boris Karloff and directed by Chuck Jones, with some wonderful singing by the great Thurl Ravenscroft (the voice of Tony the Tiger), this Dr. Seuss parable is one of the true joys of the season.

Although less well known, The Snowman, based on the book by Raymond Briggs, embodies the magic that is Christmas. This Academy Award nominated animated feature tells the tale of a young boy's adventure when his snowman suddenly comes to life. Frosty the Snowman this is not! If you haven't seen this one, trust me. Sure to become a family favorite.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE9KpobX9J8 (The Snowman - full show)

Another often missed but delightful program is A Claymation Christmas Celebration, an Emmy Award-winning Christmas television special originally broadcast on CBS in 1987. The special featured stop-motion clay animation and was produced and directed by Will Vinton. The musical journey through traditional Christmas carols is at times whimsical, spiritual, and side-splittingly funny.







Back in the 80s, the Disney cable channel showed a 90 minute compilation of classic Disney cartoons packaged under the title A Disney Channel Christmas. The vintage 30s, 40s and 50s pieces are true gems.



In 1987, PBS stations, with little fanfare, aired an hour program entitled A Child's Christmas in Wales. Starring Denholm Elliott, this poignant adaptation of the Dylan Thomas poem, transports the viewer back to turn-of-the-century England. We save this treasure for Christmas Eve itself. Perhaps not everyone's cup of tea, this story of one boy's holiday memories (Christmas Day spent with an assortment of odd relations, seasonal pranks and mischief, the lyrical pace of the village and countryside at holiday time, the anticipation of presents) is recounted with humor, warmth and nostalgia.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrLDaAG7j_o (A Child's Christmas in Wales)

Few, if any of us, can imagine Christmas without music. Even to the point of hysteria. Surely Hell has to be, being strapped to a chair with a set of headphones over our ears, playing the 12 Days of Christmas over and over and over, with a cup of spiked eggnog just out of reach. Fortunately, there is enough variety to satisfy any taste including classical, traditional, fresh air, country, bluegrass, jazz, pop, hip hop, and alternative. Whatever your fancy, listen to it, get into it, you can't beat it, you might as well enjoy it.




In 1994, Mariah Carey released her album Merry Christmas. The CD went on to sell over 5 million copies and produced her breakout hit All I Want For Christmas Is You. And as if the music wasn't enough, the flip side of the CD was a DVD with the songs set to charming music videos. Even if you are not particularly a pop music fan, you will enjoy this immensely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtRgKvLkLHM (Mariah Carey, "Joy to the World")

Lindsey Stirling is an American violinist, dancer, performance artist, and composer. My sister-in-law first introduced me to her music over the summer, and while checking out her music videos, I ran across this amazing cover of the classic Christmas carol, "What Child Is This." www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A3i0GATnRI

Also, be sure to keep an eye out for various specialty Christmas material. We have a recording of Hans Christian Andersen's The Fir Tree narrated by Boris Karloff, that tells the tale of a young tree that is never quite satisfied with its lot in life. I recorded this on cassette tape back in the 80s, and I actually found a recording of it among a collection of Andersen's tales narrated by Karloff available on Amazon.

amazon.com/Favourite-Tales-Hans-Christian-Anderson/dp/B002MGC9TU

We also have a tape of an Abbott and Costello Christmas radio program featuring some of their best routines including the classic "Who's on First." We listen to this one  in the car as we tour the neighborhood looking at Christmas decorations.




Last but not least, no Christmas would be complete without Trans Siberian Orchestra. Even if you think that you are unfamiliar with the band, I guarantee that if you listen at all to Christmas music on the radio, you've heard them. To date, they have released three compilations of classic Christmas carols set to state-of-the-art rock. But the albums are so much more than that with a children's choir, full orchestration, powerful vocals, and amazing (and beautiful) backup singers. I find the arrangements irresistible and intoxicating.

In addition to the albums, The Ghosts of Christmas Eve was a 1999 made-for-TV movie showcasing a Christmas music performance by Trans Siberian Orchestra. The songs are presented in such a way as to form a storyline about a runaway who takes refuge in an abandoned theater on Christmas Eve. Ossie Davis as the caretaker and Allie Sheridan as the runaway, are used to fill out the narrative. The special was filmed at the historic Loew's Theater in Jersey City, New Jersey. We watch this year after year, and every time we do, it is mind-blowing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAODpLKZULA ("Ghosts" - full program)




One of the great joys I get from Christmas is perusing our Christmas library collection. The decorating books inspire me and give me new decorating ideas, no matter how many times I go through them. I'm always anxious to try out new recipes that we haven't yet tried, from our Christmas cookbooks. And I never tire of re-reading classics such as Dickens' A Christmas Carol. With all the new interest surrounding the theatrical release of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, and The Hobbit, we recommend a volume called The Father Christmas Letters, a collection of "letters" from Father Christmas to the Tolkien children that speak of goblins, the North Polar Bear and other memorable characters. Illustrated and written by Tolkien himself, these provocative stories set before, during and after World War II, will enchant young and old alike. Our kids enjoyed these tales, and now our grandkids do.



Between the stalls of the oxen, forlorn, this Child on that cold night in truth was born. And for want of a crib, Mary did Him lay in the depths of a manger amongst the hay. 
~ From The First Noël, Traditional

Wigilia is the traditional Polish celebration of the Birth of Christ. Christmas Eve, the most profound night of the year, is at the same time a joyous proclamation of love and charity. All the customs of Wigilia revolve around the Child. No meat is eaten, but nine courses appear on the table representing the nine months of Mary's pregnancy. There is no set rule for what kinds of foods must be eaten, but certainly a soup such as cream of mushroom, a main course of seafood, fresh vegetables, fresh baked breads, potatoes, cheese and butter, fruit desserts, and white wine would be appropriate.

But remember, Wigilia is a humble occasion. Traditionally, straw was scattered underneath the table to remind us of the stable where Christ was born. Use your Nativity scene as a centerpiece on your table. And be sure to include an extra place setting at your table for the Infant Jesus. 




The Wigilia feast begins with a blessing by the eldest person present over the Oplaptki. Oplaptki is a Host blessed by a priest. Oplaptki should be available from your church. The tradition is that everyone breaks off a piece of the Oplaptki and wishes each other Peace and Goodwill for the coming year.

The most eagerly anticipated dish on our Christmas Eve table is a heaping platter of pierogies. All nationalities have a variation of this egg noodle dumpling. This is my Polish peasant wife's recipe, handed down from her Polish peasant mother, and her Polish peasant grandmother before that.

Pierogies

Filling:
1 lb. container dry cottage cheese*
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 Tablespoon pepper
4 Tablespoons softened butter

*Farmer's cheese may be substituted for dry cottage cheese which is no longer available in most areas, but do not use 
ricotta.

Beat until light and fluffy. Set aside.





Noodle Dough:
1/2 cup warm milk
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
1 Tablespoon softened butter
1 Tablespoon shortening
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon baking powder sifted with 2 cups flour

Combine the ingredients for the dough in your mixer using dough hooks and mix until smooth. Put on a floured board and knead for a few minutes so that it doesn't stick to your hands. Take half of the dough at a time and roll into a rectangle about 1/8" thick. Cut rolled dough into 2½ by 4" rectangles. Place approximately 1 T. filling on each rectangle, just off-center. Fold over and seal edges with cold water. Boil in salted water for 10 minutes (pierogies will rise to the surface). Before serving, fry in butter until lightly browned.




No matter how cold the weather outside, the glow of the Hanukkah candles warms the hearts and homes of Jewish families throughout the world and the ages.

Latkes

Another dish indigenous to most cultures is the potato pancake. Not only are potato pancakes, called latkes, the traditional food for Hanukkah, they would be very appropriate on the Wigilia table. Serve them with sour cream, apple sauce or other fruit preserves.

6 large russet potatoes peeled
3 medium onions peeled
4 eggs lightly beaten
1/4 to 1/2 cup all purpose flour
2  teaspoons salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Peanut oil for frying

Grate the potatoes using the largest holes on a four-sided grater. With each potato, grate half an onion. A step that is recommended but not essential is to transfer the grated potatoes and onions to a sieve placed over a large bowl. Press out the excess moisture with a wooden spoon, and return the vegetables to the mixing bowl. Pour off all of the liquid, but keep the potato starch that settles to the bottom of the bowl. Add the starch to the grated potatoes and onions.

Beat the eggs into the potato-onion mixture, then stir in just enough flour to make a light batter. Add salt and pepper. Heat a ¼" of oil in a large heavy skillet. For each pancake, drop about 2 T. batter into the oil and flatten with the back of a wooden spoon; the flatter you make the pancakes, the crisper they will be. Fry for about 2 minutes on one side then turn and fry until done. Place the pancakes on paper towels. Keep in warm oven until ready to serve. Serve as soon as possible.

Makes about forty 4" latkes.

"Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat, please put a penny in the old man's hat; if you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do, if you haven't got a ha'penny, God Bless You!"



As with decorating and entertaining, families savor their traditional holiday menus. Whether you are partial to prime rib, turkey, ham, crown rack of pork, rabbit, venison, or goose, I would not presume to improve upon your own holiday dinner. This is especially true with the abundance of recipes available on TV, online, and in books and magazines.

This is nowhere more apparent than in desserts. Baking recipes are handed down from generation to generation, and commercial test kitchens develop recipes year round. You could literally bake a new cookie every day in December, and never sample the same cookie twice in a lifetime.

That being said, however, we do have a couple of ideas that I would like to share with you.





CranApple Chutney

This side dish is appropriate for Thanksgiving as well as Christmas and is sure to become a welcomed addition to the holiday table. 

12 ounce bag of fresh cranberries
2 medium Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and cut into 1" chunks
2 stalks of celery, diced
1 cup chopped walnuts
2 Tablespoons of good clover honey
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

Day Ahead. Prepare cranberries according to package directions for sauce. Remove from heat. Immediately add all other ingredients. Mix well. Cover pot and let stand at room temperature until cool. Transfer to a sealed container and refrigerate overnight. Serve with roasted poultry, pork, lamb, beef or wild game.




Egg Nog Punch

The following quick and easy beverage would be a fine compliment to any dessert buffet, or would stand on its own as a Christmas Eve or New Year's Eve treat.

1/2 gallon premium egg nog
2 cups Myers's Original Dark Rum
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 quart homestyle vanilla ice cream
Cinnamon or nutmeg for garnish

Pour egg nog into punch bowl. Stir in rum and vanilla extract. Float ice cream in scoops. Sprinkle with spice. We would recommend a serving size of 6 to 8 ounces, but be forewarned, this stuff goes down so easy that you have to keep an eye on your guests. We once served this punch at a dinner party for my wife's family and before we knew what was happening, we had a houseful of very tipsy relatives.





Crustless Cranberry Pie

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup white sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups fresh cranberries
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted
2 eggs
1 teaspoon almond extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease one 9 inch pie plate.


Combine the flour, sugar, and salt. Stir in the cranberries and the walnuts, and toss to coat. Stir in the butter, beaten eggs, and almond extract. Spread the batter into the prepared pie plate.


Bake at 350 degrees F for 40 minutes, or until a wooden pick inserted near the center comes out clean. Serve warm with whipped cream or homestyle vanilla ice cream.





Easy Quiche

This recipe may be of service during the busy holiday season. Easy to prepare and very delicious, it may be served at breakfast, lunch or dinner.

1 - 9" refrigerated pie crust
8 eggs
8 ounces Swiss cheese, shredded
1 lb. thick sliced deli ham, diced
1 cup whipping cream
1 small onion, diced 
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Line 9-inch pie plate with crust. Layer diced ham, cheese and onion on bottom of pie shell. In separate bowl, beat eggs, cream and seasonings. Pour slowly into pie shell. Bake for 1 hour.





Buttermilk Pie:

This recipe is amazing. Do not be put off by the buttermilk. This is a sweet and flavorful pie with a delicate custard. Buttermilk Pie originated in England, and the recipe was brought to the United States by early settlers, where it was made because buttermilk was inexpensive and in large abundance. When fruit was not in season, this pie could be made all year round with ingredients from the pantry.

What we found after serving this pie on Christmas was the best pecan pie we've ever tasted. The pie had a much lighter filling than traditional pecan pies, and the top turned out to be a crunchy caramelized delight.

I recommend enjoying a slice of buttermilk pie with good strong coffee to cut the sweetness of the pie.




Ingredients:

1 and 1/2 cups granulated sugar
3 Tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup buttermilk
3 eggs, lightly beaten
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) melted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1 extra-serving graham cracker crust

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

In a large bowl, whisk together sugar, flour, and 1/2 cup buttermilk. Add beaten eggs and the remaining 1/2 cup buttermilk. Mix well. Mix in the melted butter and vanilla extract. Pour into graham cracker crust. Sprinkle chopped pecans over the top.

Bake for 10 minutes, then reduce heat to 350 degrees F. and bake approximately 25 to 30 minutes more or until the top is lightly brown and the center is set. Remove from oven and let cool on a wire rack. Refrigerate after cooling.




Normally this paragraph would appear at the beginning of an essay about Christmas, but I have saved it for last. Christmas is the number one holiday of the year, in every measure of the word, celebrated around the world. Christmas is Flexible Flyer sleds and Lionel trains and dollhouses. Christmas is black and white photos and grainy Super-8 home movies and digital albums on Facebook. Christmas is music and food and fun. Christmas is eggnog spiked with rum. Christmas is shopping and ringing bells and giving and receiving presents. Christmas is candy canes and carols and stars - on top of evergreens, and in the sky over Bethlehem. Christmas is warm churches awash in candlelight and goodwill towards men. Christmas is a newborn child wrapped in coarse linen asleep on a bed of straw. Christmas is love.



"Scrooge was better than his word....He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world...ever afterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!"