Smile, You're On Candid Toothbrush

My dentist is really something. I went in for my 1 week follow up to getting my new partials, and he asked me if I had an electric toothbrush. I told him no, and he told the nurse to get me a sample box. It turned out to be a top of the line Philips Sonicare that retails for $219!

It's so high tech it connects to the IoT (Internet of Things). I can program it to start the coffee machine when it detects making contact with my first tooth. With its Bluetooth app I can brush and make phone calls at the same time.

You've heard of a pedometer that records footsteps? Well, this toothbrush records brushstrokes, applied pressure, and elapsed time, and of course, handily sends all this information back to the dentist's laptop.

BTW, have your mouth contact my mouth, and we'll do lunch.

They Don't Write 'Em Like That Anymore

I was watching my westerns on TV early this morning, and I witnessed a great bit of unintentional humor.

The story opens with a patent medicine man traveling in his painted wagon. Two interchangeable western toughs stop him outside of town, and warn him off at gunpoint.

The salesman decides to go into town anyway, and sets up shop in his wagon peddling his magic elixir (that cures everything from "the women's complaints" to baldness).

The two toughs (who work for the crooked boss of the town) happen upon the hawker. They pull him down, and after the usual, "We told you to stay out of town," routine, they rough him up, and one of the bad guys says, "We're gonna take this wagon apart!" The bad guy parts the peddler's hair with a forty-five and lays him out cold. The show goes to commercial.

During the entire break I'm picturing these two guys turning the wagon into kindling with axes and sledge hammers.

When the show comes back on, the wagon wheels are stacked upright against a wall, the tongue is laid squarely in front of the wheels, and the harnessing is placed in a neat pile. The intact wagon rests safely on the ground.

I sat up and exclaimed, "Oh my God, they took the wagon apart!"

I'm thinking that must have taken hours of backbreaking work, but the gunhands show no signs of physical exertion or elapsed time. They go into the boss' office and the short one says, "We took the wagon apart."

Without missing a beat, the boss says, "You dopes. Now how are we going to run him out of town!?"

The short guy points at his compatriot and says, "It was his idea!"

The boss retorts like every good mother the world over, "Ya, and you went along with it."

Television writing at its finest.