Ah, Mandatory, This Is Different

I was researching my cat's diet, based on the fact that cats are obligate carnivores. An obligate carnivore is an animal that by its genetic makeup must eat the tissue of other animals in order to thrive. Obligate carnivores may eat other foods, such as vegetables, grains, or fruit, but they must eat meat as the main source of their nutrients.

Upon further research, I discovered that I am an obligate ice creamivore. By my genetic makeup I must eat the frozen cream of dairy animals in order to thrive. I may eat other foods, such as meat, vegetables, grains, or fruit, but I must eat ice cream as the main source of my nutrition.

What's Good for the Goose

This morning, I was editing a piece I'd written, in which I mention a revealing episode from my wife's past. Nothing bad, just revealing. I asked her if she wanted me to remove it, and she said, "Hon, my family's known about it for years. I'm sixty-one years old. At my age, it's a little late for me to care about what anyone else thinks."

"You mean that bird has flown?" I asked.

"The horse has left the barn," she concurred.

"The cat's out of the bag," I stated.

"The genie's out of the bottle," she emphasized.

"The toothpaste's out of the tube," I propounded.

"Well, I need to get going," she informed. She gave me a smooch on the lips and a quick Eskimo kiss.

"I guess this all proves one thing," I elaborated. "You can't put the baby back in the bathwater."

"Uh hum," she suggested, and was out the door.

What's A Meta For?

This metaphor has holes in it, they all do, but I think this is another way of explaining to someone what living with TM is like. I was talking to my mom, and she asked me how I was. I told her, "I'm okay, Mom. Doing the best I can." Then my eighty year old mother asked me, "Is the marijuana helping?"

I had told my mom last year when I became a qualifying medical cannabis patient under Illinois' new Compassionate Care Act. I said, "Yes, it's a Godsend, and yes it helps." Then it hit me.

"Mom," I said, "Everyone's in their own little boat flowing on the river of life (or now with the Internet, the ocean of life), then suddenly your boat springs a leak. The leak is TM. It can be a slow leak or a gusher. You scramble around because you don't know what to do, and you find a thimble in your pocket, so you start bailing.

"It doesn't help much though, so you go to a professional to seek advice. The expert tells you that you have a serious leak. They don't know what caused the leak, they don't know how to plug it. But they can give you a cup to bail with.

"The cup helps some people who only have a small hole to deal with, but you're still taking on water. So the expert hands you a pail. It helps again, but you're still sinking. The state hands you a bucket. Now you're holding your own.

"But the constant bailing takes an emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical toll."

So am I doing okay? Does the marijuana help? Yes. I'm still afloat and part of the regatta. I guess that's saying a lot.

"Love you, Mom."

I Like Brazil and I Cannot Lie

I found this model on Facebook. She calls herself Bumbumgiga. I think she has one of the most breathtakingly beautiful derrieres I've ever seen. And I consider myself to be a connoisseur. Her portraits specialize in rear-end photography. She very rarely publishes a frontal view, and never a full face, to protect her privacy.

This is the mission statement from her FB page:

(Translated from Portuguese)

This page is intended to share my portfolio of work. This space aims to disclose my essays as a sensuous photographic model. I also customize photos for you who are an admirer of my work! Choose a theme, a place, a special pose and I will do it for you! I will send the photo by e-mail upon payment of a value to match. (Prices vary according to the complexity of the picture, lease expenses, offset and props.) Remember that I do not do pornographic photos! I just sensualize a desire in your photos! Kiss!

I messaged Bumbumgiga to see if she would be posting any Christmas pictures and she responded, "Yes, sure!!!" Santa has been very good to me this year. This is what she posted.

To my profound despair, shortly after the holidays, Bumbumgiga announced she was closing her FB page, and retiring to Brazil, the land of her birth. I picture her cruising through turquoise waters on mega-yachts owned by fabulously wealthy men vying for her favors. I imagine her in light, summer dresses, strolling along exclusive boulevards, shopping bags gaily swinging by her side.

I see her laughing at outdoor cafes, sipping margaritas, and dining by candlelight in the world's most expensive restaurants, turning the heads of handsome young men, and envious women. When she returns home, it is to a whitewashed stucco villa overlooking azure seas; and when she arises in the morning, the sun shines down from crystal blue skies onto her bedroom terrace, where she takes breakfast, and contemplates another glorious day in Rio!

Luckily, I saved these few examples of her work, and I am privileged to share them with you here.

I wish Bumbumgiga only the best, and to those lucky enough to be in her orb. Or in her case, orbs.

By the way, I heard something about Brazil and the Olympics. Good luck to all the athletes.