I received some very disturbing news this morning. I got a letter from Homeland Security saying I was being downgraded from ENEMY COMBATANT to ENEMA COMBATANT. That hurts.
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ME: Hey Bob, how the hell are ya?
BOB: Ready for change. I live in the Animal House, and John Belushi keeps smashing guitars.
ME: Remember, we used to be the ones smashing them.
BOB: Yeah, but like Pete Townsend, we have matured.
ME: Hey! Speak for yourself. Just to prove my point I'm going to throw my walker across the room and knock the picture of my grandchildren off the accent table with the lace doily on top!
BOB: Always the rebel...
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Last night while watching TV, I turned to my wife and said, "Do you consider me to be a complex person?"
"It's more like you have a complex," she replied.
"What!?" I said. "The single greatest human being to ever grace existence with his presence has a complex!?"
She considered me for a moment, then said, "Maybe more than one."
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