I never do these Facebook things, and I can't imagine why anyone would care, but in the spirit of Christmas, what the hell, so to speak...
1. Who are you named after? My maternal grandfather Samuel. We share the same Hebrew name - Shmuael.
2. Last time you cried? Earlier today when I looked at my bank account.
3. Do you like your handwriting? I don't know - I can't read it.
4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Olive loaf - with pickles and pimentos.
5. Do you have kids? Yes, two sons. I disavow all knowledge of either one.
6. Do you use sarcasm? Not consciously.
7. Do you still have your tonsils? No. When I want tonsils I kiss my wife.
8. Would you bungee? Depends where they attached the cord.
9. What is your favorite kind of cereal? Cold.
10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? When I'm sober enough.
11. Do you think you're strong? No. I shower once a month. Twice a month in July and August.
12. What is your favorite ice cream? Yes.
13. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Whether they're pointing a gun at me.
14. Football or Baseball? No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
15. What is the least favorite thing you like about yourself? My health.
16. What color pants are you wearing? Skin tone.
17. Last thing you ate? Mint Oreos dunked in milk. Stick that in your stocking Santa!
18. What are you listening to right now? Myself making up smart answers to these questions.
19. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black on one end, white on the other, and every color in-between.
20. Favorite smell? I have no sense of smell. You could hold a bouquet of buttercups under my nose, and it might as well be a bowl of burning buffalo chips.
21. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? A very nice Russian gentlemen who offered to speed up my computer. All he needed were my passwords, banking information, Social Security number, and for some reason, my mother's maiden name.
21. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? A very nice Russian gentlemen who offered to speed up my computer. All he needed were my passwords, banking information, Social Security number, and for some reason, my mother's maiden name.
22. Favorite sport to watch on TV? Fox News.
23. Hair color? Bwahahahaha!
24. Eye color? Brown. In remembrance of my hair color.
25. Favorite food to eat? Cheesecake.
26. Scary movies or happy? The Expendables.
27. Last movie you watched? A Smoky Mountain Christmas (1986) Dolly Parton, Lee Majors, John Ritter. Directed by Henry Winkler (who has a cameo role in the film). A Smoky Mountain Christmas is a made-for-television musical fantasy filmed in the beautiful Smoky Mountains, which serve as the backdrop for this poignant drama. Lorna Davis (Parton), is a country music star overburdened by her career and loneliness. She takes refuge in a friend's cabin, only to discover seven children escaped from an orphanage. Lorna and the youngsters run afoul of a local witch, and the town sheriff. Featuring six original songs performed by Parton, A Smoky Mountain Christmas is a heartwarming story of love and holiday spirit. Unfortunately this movie is unavailable for purchase at this time, although copies come up for sale by individual parties on Amazon and eBay. Good uploads of the film can be found on YouTube, but these sites change quickly due to various applications of copyright and intellectual property law.
28. Beach or Snowy Mountain? Cabin in the woods. Oh, that was question 26.
29. Wine or beer? Moonshine. It's my muse.
30. Favorite Holiday? Leap Day. But always look first.
30. Favorite Holiday? Leap Day. But always look first.
youtube.com/watch?v=zO2DaKS2DNU (A Smoky Mountain Christmas)
Merry Christmas! In keeping with the situation.
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