A Marriage Is As Fragile As China and As Strong As Clay

Yesterday was my 20th wedding anniversary. I usually trot out the old joke that, coincidentally, my wife's wedding anniversary falls on the same day, so we have taken to celebrating it together.

This year I'm not in a joking mood. My stupid body let me down again. Shellie had arranged to take the day off from work so we could be together. I was sick, and spent most of the day in bed napping. We had dinner plans at a nice restaurant that we had to cancel. I couldn't eat. Shellie had a Subway sandwich.

I usually take the opportunity on our anniversary to compose a poem or write something special, and I particularly wanted to do so for the milestone of our 20th anniversary (although we have been together far longer). Now it seems after the fact.

Shellie was understanding, but understandably disappointed, not so much for herself, as for me - and us.

When we were first looking at houses ten years ago, I was dead set on a ranch style - until we pulled up to the house which would become our home. I was not excited that it was two stories, but of course, we immediately fell in love with it. I approach each day with gratitude, and we count every day we have lived here as blessed.

Hindsight being 20/20, I could not have foreseen that I would become a paraplegic barely a year later. For the next few years I somehow managed to scoot myself up and down the stairs step by step. Then in 2012 I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time, and a PICC-line was put in. The nurses finally talked some sense into me (no small feat) about hoisting myself up and down the stairs with a catheter running the length of my arm and lodged near my heart.

We have since had to do something I stubbornly swore I'd never do - I would not turn the first floor of our home into a hospital suite. But due to the logistics of the house, we are forced to sleep apart. Now when Shellie comes down at 6:30 in the morning, we see each other for a few minutes before she leaves for work. By the time she gets home, after an hour commute, we watch a little TV, and by 9:00 she's upstairs settling down for the night.

I know many husbands and wives are separated by circumstances, military families come first to mind, but we are getting older, and we miss each other. The love is still there. The deep, abiding connection is still there. Even the kissing, hugging, and touching are still there (even though we're long overdue for a make-out session). But a certain closeness has been taken, a camaraderie lost.

Be that as it may, Happy Anniversary sweetie.

Love you, S