I Got Clocked

BREAKING NEWS: At 2:00 a.m. Sunday, due to unusually heavy demand, the Atomic Clock suffered a catastrophic meltdown. Authorities confirm that large amounts of time were released into the environment.

If you find time, authorities urge that you save it in a bottle, but do not hesitate because time waits for no man, and that would be a waste of time. Authorities cautioned that you should approach time from above because time flies.

Authorities also warned that you should avoid having too much time on your hands. If you have too much time on your hands, wash with mild soap and rinse under cool water.

Atomic Clock Director, Wunsaponnah Tyme, stated, "Just as radiation has a half-life, time has a limit. This is referred to as the Outer Time Limit."

When asked why information about the meltdown and release of time into the atmosphere was made public so quickly, the Director commented, "You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time - about time."

In winding up, the Director remarked, "Everyone should remember that time is not on your side."