Morals Clause

BREAKING NEWS:

The far left-wing of the Democratic party in the U.S. House of Representatives has introduced a bill titled the Minimum Morality Act. All U.S. Citizens would be required to pass the Minimum Morality Standard (MMS).

Republicans decried the legislation, calling it a clear attempt to reduce their numbers.

Morality Panels, consisting of neo-feminists, black nationalists, and Jewish entertainers would conduct interrogations using standards developed by bilingual educators and gay scientists.

The MMS is designed to measure such things as charity, mercy, empathy, fairness, and the capacity to love thy fellow man (literally and figuratively).

Former president Barack Obama will head the new Department of Right and Wrong (RAW).

Those found to fall below the MMS would be deported to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch (GPGP). Composed primarily of six-pack rings, empty 2-liter bottles of Mountain Dew, and Walmart bags, the GPGP is expected to last for over one-hundred-thousand years. Estimated to be twice the size of the continental United States, the GPGP affords plenty of space for the deportees to build private enclaves, all with ocean front views.

As an added inducement, the GPGP enjoys year-round favorable trade winds.

Supertanker collisions guarantee an inexhaustible supply of fossil fuels.

The GPGP may not have a wall, but it does have the biggest moat in history. Illegal immigration from Mexico would no longer be a concern.

Those of particularly low moral character, such as politicians, lawyers, and infomercial producers, would be beaten with sticks by Antifa death squads.

Analysts recommend that if you are thinking of buying a house - wait. After the mass deportations, real estate is expected to be a buyer's market.